REMiniscent Sleep

Dream last night involving my former PI Dan... faint details, chicken scratches I mustered while half awake:
1.) Dinner w/ white tablecloth, sitting across from him, dinner salad/standard mixed greens (Caprese?)
2.) Handed him my resume for neurosurgery residency application: bottom line had an odd statement ("undeliciously good deliciously bad, cookingly") => SO embarrassed, he began chuckling
3.) Did some work at New Mexico army base
4.) He pushed raw onions of his salad to the edge of his plate, complimented the tomatoes
5.) Looked the same + few grey hairs; was dressed in his typical Saturday outfit (white polo w/ holes, khaki pants, boat shoes, watch w/ huge numbers to tell time)
6.) Him quiet, me continually asking Q’s to get response out of him
7.) Told him about candidacy, the absurd Q’s; him saying have to know things like BioRad51
8.) Finally asked about his wife Cynthia
-Dan: "She’s fine, she’s out on the road traveling w/ her husband."
-Me: "Who?"
-Dan: "Cynthia."
-Me: "Cynthia who??"
-Dan: "Cynthia Kim?"
-Me: "OH..."
-Dan: "Yeah..."
-Me: "So when did this..."
-Dan: "Last year (2014)."
-Me: "Do you 2 still talk?"
-Dan: "Not since her husband… straight-shooter brother-in-law… I used to be able to sit next to her on a plane… now can’t even talk to her..."

Woke up sweating

measly mumps

I told my classmates that my grandfather had a stroke the night of my Step 1 exam on the 31st of March.

What I didn't tell them was that he passed away April 26th.

Is this something that I should be sharing with people?

I imagine normal people crying over this loss. Nothing came out of my eyes. Does that make me a bad person?

chvostek

It feels like the right time to purge.

Every past misconception, every minute trace of feeling for people.

I'm not exactly sure about why I became hung up on particular beings, but it feels ridiculous to keep lingering.

What am I confident about?

That she will not be found in Chicago. My gut feeling is that I'm going to be somewhere outside the U.S., overlooking a quiet, serene body of water. And then when I turn right, there will be somebody else staring into the vast emptiness. She will be the one.