Cig's

I tried making muffins- for the second time in a row. They were a disaster. I think I'm just using the wrong flour. Neither target nor kroger sells pastry flour. Sure, they have all-purpose flour and the muffin mixes premade, but no pastry flour. UGH.

I tried whole wheat flour; it was too wheaty. I tried all-purpose flour like clare said. It ended up with the same results- it looked more like a cupcake. Stupid pastries.

I think I'm over my dancing phase for now. Just ready for LNY to be over with so that I can have 10+ more free hours to read, study, exercise.

Beer and cigarettes- a good combination? My compulsions this time have led me to Kroger. For what? Zapp's potato chips. and cigarettes. I bought two packs: the Diarum Black's and the Marlboro Menthol Mild 100's. Not sure why. I just did. Cigarettes are expensive. J.H.C.

I went to Jones Pub Night. I actually had fun seeing old friends, o-week group family. Carrie's getting engaged. Scary thought, taking the plunge. At least Johnathan and her will be close by- well living together- which makes the transition easier? Anyway, I didn't feel like being cramped in a pub downstairs in our student union, so I left. People shouldn't be surprised by that. I usually go/disappear without saying goodbye. As I was walking back, I decided to try one of the Marlboro's. It was a nice feeling. There was this rush in my brain, and I felt more complacent than before.

But once I got back to Jones, I had to lay down for a while, and the room was too bright so I turned off the lights. I thought I was going to close my eyes for a while, but I ended up sleeping and not remembering a lot of what happened the night before. Only one beer, too. Not even beer- I got a cider! I do NOT know how I got intoxicated off one cup- what, 16 ounces? whatever. I just woke up realizing that people were talking in the room, and I was annoyed or perturbed, so I went home. Didn't feel like I should have driven, but what can i do? I needed to do a homework the next morning- I ended skipping my 9 o'clock Econ class. Again. Probably got the test back today. I'll never know.

I think my laundry's done. I should go to bed since I'm not being productive right now. Night , folks.

Sterility

So I've been doing dna gels, and dealing with ethydium bromide (sp?) for a while. How much is too much? The large gels use 27.5 microL of EtBr, the smallest ones use only 3. Being the absent-minded person that I am, my skin always manages to make contact with the gel boxes that I'm sure aren't washed thoroughly since I notice in the corner of my eye when working that the grad student doing a rotation in this lab just splashed the cassettes with water and sets them on the table to dry.

This systems physiology homework is confusing. Which valves close during systole, early diastole, late diastole?

I had my second endo test today. I actually felt better about this one than the first one. Considering I spent more than 2 hours studying for it, yeah, I think I'll manage. I spent a total of 8 hours in lab today. Not including the time off for lunch, classes, shopping. Can I count that as part of my lab hours? If I weren't going out and about, I would have just been sitting around in lab waiting for the PCR to finish. Apparently one of the PCR machines I use in lab is broken, and has to be sent in for two weeks to repair it. So much for consistency. Consistency IS important, after all. In science, anywho.

For once this semester, I actually feel ahead of the game. Not having anxiety attacks because I decide to put things off at the last minute.

Today: in-class test, lab, class, lunch, lab. The more I stay in lab, the more I think I should go into research. Not really sure about medical research, although getting a Ph.D. along with and M.D. would grant me free tuition at the cost of my soul and 8 years of my life.

Never thought that I would get so excited about a single band on an electrophoresis gel. It's taking so long to get the desired band. Something's screwy with the DNA or the cDNA. Maybe the antisense transcript doesn't exist. That would mean I spent almost an entire year on a wild goose chase.

What does it take to be a good researcher? The foresight, and a LOT of luck.

Sometimes I just get cravings for crappy food. For example, Chef Boyardee or Campbell's Soup. Loaded with sodium and msg, but I'm going to eat it because I'm too lazy to cook tonight. Well, a full dinner, anyway. I'm just going to make muffins. Couldn't find any pastry flour at Target. All they had was tortilla flour, all-purpose flour, and muffin mixes. The muffin mixes all listed wheat flour as the ingredient, so i guess I'll use the wheat flour and try out the muffins.

AH! gel's running over. CIAO~

I prefer my coffee black, like my women. Nah, I like my coffee like I like my women-filled with cream. and sugar. That doesn't make sense. Farce- the lowest form of comedy.

Contemplating writing posts based around a central theme, but I hate structure. The only structure in my life right now are classes.

Just caring about somebody else- I think I'm incapable of that. People are a disappointment. I think Blythe aptly put it that the higher you put them on a pedestal the larger the fall.

Something reminded me of Ilse, so I was looking up things on wikipedia about Athens, Georgia. That's where she's from, right? New Wave bands originating from that place.

We have three more months. I don't think I have a reason to come back to Houston. I suppose I'm obligated to visit my parents from time to time so I might be in Texas, but I don't like being stuck. This need to constantly move from place to place- I don't like settling down.

So maybe I lied.

I don't think I like people that much. I find myself getting angry at people, but not doing anything about it. Last night I went to bed being mad. Not sure why. I didn't stay up though. People cry themselves to sleep, pop pills to go to sleep, or get tired out.

Being knowledgable: if all your friends read the newspaper, what point is there in reading it if they're just going to rehash it back to you? Conversations: spreading information. Is it vital information though? Why should I care about everyone else's problems?

I think I'm going to go to lab tomorrow. It's not one of the places where I can find quiet, but it's soothing. Maybe I am better off interacting with lab animals and chemicals than people?

Poor Crassie. Getting sad over the fact that not many graduates are going to stay in Texas afterwards. I need to move on, get out of this place.

Maybe that's why I don't like interacting with people- it's another chance for me to efface them from my life, just like I did to my high school friends. They say your college friends will be different from your high school friends, but it's still the same pattern. Everybody goes elsewhere, only caring about their own issues/concerns, and eventually drift apart.

I don't even remember being invited to any of my good friends' weddings from high school, knowing that they got married after the fact.

I feel like sandwiches, pickles, and chips tonight. I think I've hit a dead end in Chinese cooking. Either I need to move to California and pick up things from my grandmother, or find some other hobby.

Compulsion- latex free examination gloves. I waste several of those in lab. Maybe because I'm paranoid about getting neurotoxin on my skin, retard my sperm. But I seriously don't care about progeny at this point in the game.

Board games- maybe I'll bring a couple/all of them back with me when I go home during spring break.

Blogger- seems more convenient to use than xanga since it's connected to my gmail and homepage. I don't know.

HAHA, someone's cell phone just went off in one of the rooms at the LRC. THRILLER~! michael jackson.

Phil Collins in Genesis- AH!

Crap. Kai's birthday's coming up soon. The problem with gift-giving: having to think about that person and everything you've talked about, their interests, blahhhhh. It's so tiring. Sorting through memories that you think wouldn't take priority over things like distinguishing nicotinic and muscarinic receptors, but apparently there's still room for them. Somehow.

-you know I want to, but I'm in too deep-