That is the vacuum of space that I have allowed myself to be swallowed up in these past few days.
Actually, the entire time that I've been home.
I'm mustered the energy to post something at Nants' behest.
Lately I feel like a sack of flesh. I wouldn't say that my mortality is weighing heavily on me.
(Distracted by what appeared to be a dried up booger on my wall. I also have to pee.)
I suppose my next post will be about ambition.
Conclusion: mood = fleshy.
12.30.2010
11.24.2010
dharma
Well, the first phase of the funeral is over.
Right as I flew into town and arrived home, everybody was dressed in black.
The family decided to go with a Buddhist celebration (?).
Eating vegetarian food, the sons and daughters of the deceased are not allowed to eat the duck/pork/chicken laid out on the table.
Anything that reminded them of happiness- family portraits- was covered.
The light was kept on in his room this entire time, and the all lights in the rest of the house were kept on when we left for the wake. My parents, aunts, and uncles are also not allowed to visit any other people's houses for a month. Checks written out in honor of my grandfather were sometimes written out as odd dollar amounts. I never thought my family was so superstitious.
The wake took place from 6 to 8 PM. 2 Buddhist monks (priestesses?) orchestrated the procession. Every immediate family member took their turn going to the casket, calling out grampa's name 3 times, and moving on. My grandmother took it the hardest.
A lot of kneeling and bowing occurred, with offers of food, money, water, tea for the afterlife. Incense filled the room with dust and smoke.
Paper was burned in the end.
Today, my brother carries his portrait while I, along with 5 other people, carry his body to the plot where he will be buried.
Shower time. Adios.
Right as I flew into town and arrived home, everybody was dressed in black.
The family decided to go with a Buddhist celebration (?).
Eating vegetarian food, the sons and daughters of the deceased are not allowed to eat the duck/pork/chicken laid out on the table.
Anything that reminded them of happiness- family portraits- was covered.
The light was kept on in his room this entire time, and the all lights in the rest of the house were kept on when we left for the wake. My parents, aunts, and uncles are also not allowed to visit any other people's houses for a month. Checks written out in honor of my grandfather were sometimes written out as odd dollar amounts. I never thought my family was so superstitious.
The wake took place from 6 to 8 PM. 2 Buddhist monks (priestesses?) orchestrated the procession. Every immediate family member took their turn going to the casket, calling out grampa's name 3 times, and moving on. My grandmother took it the hardest.
A lot of kneeling and bowing occurred, with offers of food, money, water, tea for the afterlife. Incense filled the room with dust and smoke.
Paper was burned in the end.
Today, my brother carries his portrait while I, along with 5 other people, carry his body to the plot where he will be buried.
Shower time. Adios.
11.20.2010
supermassive black hole
The moment I leave a place, one person dies on me.
First Ray, and now my grandfather.
Sunday, during one of the days of the conference, I was happily chatting along with Poorneel when my Aunt calls out of the blue to tell me to go to LA quickly. I kept asking what was wrong, but she wouldn't say anything. So my cousin and I drove 1.5 hours up from San Diego to visit the grandparents.
Grandpa's health had declined. He was bedridden, with fever.
I had heard that day that my parents and uncle in Texas would be driving over 24 hours nonstop to LA. My cousins there would be flying out Wednesday.
I saw him, laying in bed, but he wouldn't open his eyes. He would respond to some stimulus such as foot pinching, and he would wince from time to time but made no other reactions.
Seeing as there was nothing more to do, I drove back to SD to attend the Monday conferences. I went to a 6:30 to 10 PM satellite symposium, wanted to go sleep, but had to entertain Poorneel's friend from UCLA. I crashed afterwards, and drove back up with my cousin on Tuesday. Stayed Wednesday, no change, and drove back down to SD since I had to return my rental car and fly back to SF to take care of some work at lab.
Thursday returning, I did little in lab, and dressed up for West Side Story, an event my lab mates and I planned a month in advance. They were cracking jokes, I was having fun, and halfway into the musical, I get a text from my brother that my grandfather passed away at 7:38 PM.
I asked how everybody was holding up, and he told me that people seemed well, all except for my grandma, the one person I worried about most from all of this.
Some of my cousins- the older ones- and I were assigned the task of being pallbearers while my brother has to take on the role of carrying his portrait during the funeral.
I have to get a haircut, buy a suit, and pack before Tuesday so that I can be in LA for the funeral on Wednesday. I am nowhere ready for this.
First Ray, and now my grandfather.
Sunday, during one of the days of the conference, I was happily chatting along with Poorneel when my Aunt calls out of the blue to tell me to go to LA quickly. I kept asking what was wrong, but she wouldn't say anything. So my cousin and I drove 1.5 hours up from San Diego to visit the grandparents.
Grandpa's health had declined. He was bedridden, with fever.
I had heard that day that my parents and uncle in Texas would be driving over 24 hours nonstop to LA. My cousins there would be flying out Wednesday.
I saw him, laying in bed, but he wouldn't open his eyes. He would respond to some stimulus such as foot pinching, and he would wince from time to time but made no other reactions.
Seeing as there was nothing more to do, I drove back to SD to attend the Monday conferences. I went to a 6:30 to 10 PM satellite symposium, wanted to go sleep, but had to entertain Poorneel's friend from UCLA. I crashed afterwards, and drove back up with my cousin on Tuesday. Stayed Wednesday, no change, and drove back down to SD since I had to return my rental car and fly back to SF to take care of some work at lab.
Thursday returning, I did little in lab, and dressed up for West Side Story, an event my lab mates and I planned a month in advance. They were cracking jokes, I was having fun, and halfway into the musical, I get a text from my brother that my grandfather passed away at 7:38 PM.
I asked how everybody was holding up, and he told me that people seemed well, all except for my grandma, the one person I worried about most from all of this.
Some of my cousins- the older ones- and I were assigned the task of being pallbearers while my brother has to take on the role of carrying his portrait during the funeral.
I have to get a haircut, buy a suit, and pack before Tuesday so that I can be in LA for the funeral on Wednesday. I am nowhere ready for this.
11.14.2010
SfN
Best moment at SfN today:
My Danimals was talking to a PI from UTSW who also chaired the Kavli Fellows talks (the stem cell section) this year. She told him that I sounded like a postdoc.
EEEP! n_n
I couldn't stop smiling after that.
My Danimals was talking to a PI from UTSW who also chaired the Kavli Fellows talks (the stem cell section) this year. She told him that I sounded like a postdoc.
EEEP! n_n
I couldn't stop smiling after that.
11.01.2010
ip man
I was kinda relying on Crassie to be my roommate for Lizbean's and Doc Fondles' wedding, except she's bringing her bf Geoffrey along. She offered to share their room w/ me, but that would probably make me uncomfortable. Greater than or equal to the discomfort I felt when unwillingly sharing my bed during college w/ couples.
LA was not relaxing, but still fun. Now I have all this work to do in preparing a poster.
Cells are still alive and ticking, so something's good. Human cells are very robust, according to my time needs anyways... only because they grow much more slowly than mouse brain cells.
Although, I come back to lab and find several things in disarray. Why must I be the cleanest one in lab??? Isn't this how it always works with living situations? It's usually the person who's cleaner than the rest that gets frustrated and annoyed with the relative dirtiness of the condition in which the others leave the place. All the tubes are in disarray, the water levels are low in the incubators and baths, the reagents have not been restocked. Sigh.
Another day at work. Restarting tomorrow.
LA was not relaxing, but still fun. Now I have all this work to do in preparing a poster.
Cells are still alive and ticking, so something's good. Human cells are very robust, according to my time needs anyways... only because they grow much more slowly than mouse brain cells.
Although, I come back to lab and find several things in disarray. Why must I be the cleanest one in lab??? Isn't this how it always works with living situations? It's usually the person who's cleaner than the rest that gets frustrated and annoyed with the relative dirtiness of the condition in which the others leave the place. All the tubes are in disarray, the water levels are low in the incubators and baths, the reagents have not been restocked. Sigh.
Another day at work. Restarting tomorrow.
10.28.2010
china bistro
Elated.
Which band plays well live? I don't feel a need to ever attend concerts, but it was fun last time I went. The only time I want to go now, though, is if the musician(s) sound better in person than on cd.
Back in LA. Ups and downs. Grandfather and all.
Read the current issue of Psychology Today, which reinforced the fact that I am an introvert. I prefer reflection and solitude as opposed to extroverts, who derive pleasure/happiness from social contexts.
My cousin likes watching Nikita. Hmm.... Maggie Q... although Shane West might ruin the show.
Which band plays well live? I don't feel a need to ever attend concerts, but it was fun last time I went. The only time I want to go now, though, is if the musician(s) sound better in person than on cd.
Back in LA. Ups and downs. Grandfather and all.
Read the current issue of Psychology Today, which reinforced the fact that I am an introvert. I prefer reflection and solitude as opposed to extroverts, who derive pleasure/happiness from social contexts.
My cousin likes watching Nikita. Hmm.... Maggie Q... although Shane West might ruin the show.
10.16.2010
vita soy
Stop. Having. Dirty. Thoughts.
Got a Save the Date card from Lizbian and Doc Fondles. May huh... one day and it's over.
Soy milk? Not so much.
Got a Save the Date card from Lizbian and Doc Fondles. May huh... one day and it's over.
Soy milk? Not so much.
10.09.2010
amtrak
Finalized menu for... Monday?
Braised Pork Belly w/ Pickled Mustard
Citrus-marinated Salmon w/ Pea Shoot Coulis
Ong Choy in preserved tofu/garlic sauce
Steamed Rice
Mango-Pomelo Tapioca
Mangoes aren't in season, so the dessert soup tastes a little sour when it's supposed to be my sweet dish.
Hopefully the pork belly will be fine once it's steamed and glazed w/ the sauce collected from its braising.
The pea shoot coulis has a very intense, deep green color. The individual components from Thomas Keller's dishes amaze me. So much work going into each piece. It's too strangely familiar to a research publication.
Well, will see if Kaiser approves of this meal. Didn't have time to actually cook for her last week with the schedule being pushed back each day.
Braised Pork Belly w/ Pickled Mustard
Citrus-marinated Salmon w/ Pea Shoot Coulis
Ong Choy in preserved tofu/garlic sauce
Steamed Rice
Mango-Pomelo Tapioca
Mangoes aren't in season, so the dessert soup tastes a little sour when it's supposed to be my sweet dish.
Hopefully the pork belly will be fine once it's steamed and glazed w/ the sauce collected from its braising.
The pea shoot coulis has a very intense, deep green color. The individual components from Thomas Keller's dishes amaze me. So much work going into each piece. It's too strangely familiar to a research publication.
Well, will see if Kaiser approves of this meal. Didn't have time to actually cook for her last week with the schedule being pushed back each day.
10.05.2010
copy & paste
I was stupid again. Decided to buy some tickets to the California Academy of Sciences for Kaiser.
I have no clue what she even wants to do, so I'm picking places that I think she might like, slash, I won't hate.
Fleet week is also this week, so it might be nice to just hang around and watch the jets practice after lunch, where I'm taking her to supposedly the best Cantonese restaurant in town.
I haven't decided whether I want to cook her dinner or not. There's this sushi place I wanted to try out. I guess I could also take her to some dessert/froyo place. Hmm, maybe that tiny taiwanese restaurant up on Clement as well.
Either around or after dinner close by, we could just walk over to the park and enjoy the museum(s).
Then again, I might just make her breakfast Thursday morning, so that she has something to do while I stop by work for a few errands. Still contemplating whether or not I should show her to my lab mates, who tease me constantly like everyone in college did since they think I'm in love with her. I hate you all.
I have no clue what she even wants to do, so I'm picking places that I think she might like, slash, I won't hate.
Fleet week is also this week, so it might be nice to just hang around and watch the jets practice after lunch, where I'm taking her to supposedly the best Cantonese restaurant in town.
I haven't decided whether I want to cook her dinner or not. There's this sushi place I wanted to try out. I guess I could also take her to some dessert/froyo place. Hmm, maybe that tiny taiwanese restaurant up on Clement as well.
Either around or after dinner close by, we could just walk over to the park and enjoy the museum(s).
Then again, I might just make her breakfast Thursday morning, so that she has something to do while I stop by work for a few errands. Still contemplating whether or not I should show her to my lab mates, who tease me constantly like everyone in college did since they think I'm in love with her. I hate you all.
9.25.2010
elk tongue
In my head, I'm already creating a menu.
Seafood, soup, salad, chicken wings, pork belly, mango pudding.
Today was one of those rare days where I venture out of my comfort zone, that being lab.
Not having had a Vietnamese Banh Mi in a while, I set foot towards the outskirts of Irving's Chinatown, perusing the produce along with the cuts of meat at the Sunset Super. The fruits all look like they've grown larger since the last time I saw them- shows how little fruit I've eaten in the past month.
Skipping the healthy food, I walk into the sandwich shop the next block down. All I wanted was 3 combination sandwiches. What I got IN ADDITION to my order was the conversation b/t the two ladies working behind the counter. They were complaining about some girls using the bathroom the other day and causing up a stank afterwards.
I was so embarrassed, my face turned red, looking down with a stupid expression on my face. One lady just kept talking on and on about it while preparing my sandwiches, and the other lady laughed because she caught my facial expression.
My roommate is SO oversensitive.
My other labmate is SO emotional. As I was walking back to lab on the 16th floor, I caught her with her ex-boyfriend. She was crying. She was crying on Friday, she's crying today. The faucet never closes!
What's wrong with my lab?!?! Ugh.
Seafood, soup, salad, chicken wings, pork belly, mango pudding.
Today was one of those rare days where I venture out of my comfort zone, that being lab.
Not having had a Vietnamese Banh Mi in a while, I set foot towards the outskirts of Irving's Chinatown, perusing the produce along with the cuts of meat at the Sunset Super. The fruits all look like they've grown larger since the last time I saw them- shows how little fruit I've eaten in the past month.
Skipping the healthy food, I walk into the sandwich shop the next block down. All I wanted was 3 combination sandwiches. What I got IN ADDITION to my order was the conversation b/t the two ladies working behind the counter. They were complaining about some girls using the bathroom the other day and causing up a stank afterwards.
I was so embarrassed, my face turned red, looking down with a stupid expression on my face. One lady just kept talking on and on about it while preparing my sandwiches, and the other lady laughed because she caught my facial expression.
My roommate is SO oversensitive.
My other labmate is SO emotional. As I was walking back to lab on the 16th floor, I caught her with her ex-boyfriend. She was crying. She was crying on Friday, she's crying today. The faucet never closes!
What's wrong with my lab?!?! Ugh.
9.24.2010
wasps
It's weird finding out that a lab mate is clinically depressed.
Not that I'm stigmatizing her because of her condition. People hardly ever admit when they are depressed.
Although, it does explain a lot of things, but particularly the need for attention and positive reinforcement.
Kaiser's coming to visit her friends in the Yay Area- she'll be using SF as her hub to connect with all of them.
My lab mates want to meet her for some reason, trying to find her picture on Facebook during lunch. I'm concerned that some of them will hit on her if I ever brought her to lab. I know she gets all this attention in Houston, but my lab mates haven't even seen her yet. How is that possible???
Do people ever get nervous around friends, if they haven't seen them in a long time? I feel some slight pressure on my end, not only to make sure she has a fun time, but to make sure I don't look like a slob, which involves cleaning my apartment, my sheets, my room, worrying about how I present myself... should I be cooking for her while she stays in town? I've been so far removed from everybody, I don't know how friendships work anymore.
Not that I'm stigmatizing her because of her condition. People hardly ever admit when they are depressed.
Although, it does explain a lot of things, but particularly the need for attention and positive reinforcement.
Kaiser's coming to visit her friends in the Yay Area- she'll be using SF as her hub to connect with all of them.
My lab mates want to meet her for some reason, trying to find her picture on Facebook during lunch. I'm concerned that some of them will hit on her if I ever brought her to lab. I know she gets all this attention in Houston, but my lab mates haven't even seen her yet. How is that possible???
Do people ever get nervous around friends, if they haven't seen them in a long time? I feel some slight pressure on my end, not only to make sure she has a fun time, but to make sure I don't look like a slob, which involves cleaning my apartment, my sheets, my room, worrying about how I present myself... should I be cooking for her while she stays in town? I've been so far removed from everybody, I don't know how friendships work anymore.
9.23.2010
manet
My nerves are shot. Too tired to even watch tv shows.
Why am I still watching coupling? Underneath all that raunchy humor, the show fixates on RELATIONSHIPS.
How did I end up liking a show about relationships?!
I gross myself out sometimes.
Salt & Pepper Crab DOES sound good right about now... but for $38??? I suppose...
Why am I still watching coupling? Underneath all that raunchy humor, the show fixates on RELATIONSHIPS.
How did I end up liking a show about relationships?!
I gross myself out sometimes.
Salt & Pepper Crab DOES sound good right about now... but for $38??? I suppose...
9.22.2010
cool hand luke
Cool, calm, collected.
Well that's all thrown out the window.
I can't think clearly, there's butterflies in my stomach.
I was stressed to the point of snapping at my lab mates today.
And now I'm giggling like a lunatic.
It's time for bed.
Well that's all thrown out the window.
I can't think clearly, there's butterflies in my stomach.
I was stressed to the point of snapping at my lab mates today.
And now I'm giggling like a lunatic.
It's time for bed.
9.21.2010
popiah
Mmm, three flights in the next 2 months. For business AND pleasure. But in all honesty, more business than pleasure. In fact, very little pleasure, if any.
I dissected some mouse brains today. Very calming.
I was unable to concentrate all day today. I couldn't think clearly, and i don't know why. I was also blushing the entire time. I don't get that...
What's a better car to rent: a hybrid or an economy/compact? I know I should be attempting to be green, but really, how much greener is a hybrid compared to a fuel-efficient car?
My internet's getting slow, time to stop blogging.
I dissected some mouse brains today. Very calming.
I was unable to concentrate all day today. I couldn't think clearly, and i don't know why. I was also blushing the entire time. I don't get that...
What's a better car to rent: a hybrid or an economy/compact? I know I should be attempting to be green, but really, how much greener is a hybrid compared to a fuel-efficient car?
My internet's getting slow, time to stop blogging.
9.20.2010
neural networks
I feel very bloated this afternoon.
What I don't understand is why I sweat so profusely in lab all day. I must not be living in the right environment. Maybe East Coast weather would better suit me? East Coast winters. If only I could lower the temp of the A/C, things would be peachy.
My compulsive behavior, as it logically follows, has a knack for compulsive purchases. My spending spree this time involves acquiring several plane tickets towards areas along the California coastline. Los Angeles, Riverside, and San Diego.
I've been spending so much time in lab, filling up my days with so many laborious tasks and unwanted chores, that I can feel myself becoming... more of an unfeeling robot.
I really should get back to all these emails in my inbox. Especially Lizbean's.
Mario's head is AT LEAST the size of his torso. Even babies' heads are that large. Maybe those disproportions are what makes those characters so likeable.
What I don't understand is why I sweat so profusely in lab all day. I must not be living in the right environment. Maybe East Coast weather would better suit me? East Coast winters. If only I could lower the temp of the A/C, things would be peachy.
My compulsive behavior, as it logically follows, has a knack for compulsive purchases. My spending spree this time involves acquiring several plane tickets towards areas along the California coastline. Los Angeles, Riverside, and San Diego.
I've been spending so much time in lab, filling up my days with so many laborious tasks and unwanted chores, that I can feel myself becoming... more of an unfeeling robot.
I really should get back to all these emails in my inbox. Especially Lizbean's.
Mario's head is AT LEAST the size of his torso. Even babies' heads are that large. Maybe those disproportions are what makes those characters so likeable.
9.19.2010
whelp
I woke up early for work this morning, and I decided to look up the reviews for my parents restaurant.
First on yelp, then on google.
Idiots! All of them!
First off, REAL chinese food is NEVER made with anything sweet and sour. Secondly, sweet and sour sauce tastes like ketchup because it IS made with ketchup. Whoever doesn't know the ingredients of sweet and sour sauce before critiquing it is an idiot!
I don't understand why stupid people critique food without first knowing what it is that goes into what they're eating.
My annoyance is directed at ignorance in this post. I'm not even defending it because it's my parents' restaurant- they don't even run the establishment anymore. Categories of dummies rating Chinese food: those who misconstrue American Chinese as authentic Chinese food, and those who do not know the ingredients/components going into each dish.
I'm done. I have more important things to do than to complain about these clowns.
This all started because Crassie wanted to see the place this morning as she passes through Waco. What a ho.
First on yelp, then on google.
Idiots! All of them!
First off, REAL chinese food is NEVER made with anything sweet and sour. Secondly, sweet and sour sauce tastes like ketchup because it IS made with ketchup. Whoever doesn't know the ingredients of sweet and sour sauce before critiquing it is an idiot!
I don't understand why stupid people critique food without first knowing what it is that goes into what they're eating.
My annoyance is directed at ignorance in this post. I'm not even defending it because it's my parents' restaurant- they don't even run the establishment anymore. Categories of dummies rating Chinese food: those who misconstrue American Chinese as authentic Chinese food, and those who do not know the ingredients/components going into each dish.
I'm done. I have more important things to do than to complain about these clowns.
This all started because Crassie wanted to see the place this morning as she passes through Waco. What a ho.
9.15.2010
exudation
I'm so exhausted, I realized that I didn't even have time to think about my grandpa, who was hospitalized for sepsis this week.
He's now on bed rest, in the recliner, but with a catheter to collect his urine.
I don't even have time to think about my family anymore... how terrible is that?
He's now on bed rest, in the recliner, but with a catheter to collect his urine.
I don't even have time to think about my family anymore... how terrible is that?
9.07.2010
kinkajou
The thought almost crossed my mind tonight about signing up for OKCupid.
Three of my lab mates have already taken the plunge. I think I might just be doing that because I'm bored, or procrastinating.
Sigh... I find myself sighing a lot these days. Either sighing or screaming like a madman.
I want more of those moments each day where I think to myself, "Life is great!" or "Life is wonderful!" Those moments only happen when I listen to '80s music or my guilty-pleasure kpop.
A fake relationship would be nice, if there even is such a thing.
Three of my lab mates have already taken the plunge. I think I might just be doing that because I'm bored, or procrastinating.
Sigh... I find myself sighing a lot these days. Either sighing or screaming like a madman.
I want more of those moments each day where I think to myself, "Life is great!" or "Life is wonderful!" Those moments only happen when I listen to '80s music or my guilty-pleasure kpop.
A fake relationship would be nice, if there even is such a thing.
7.28.2010
the californian
The New Yorker is like the social equivalent of a Cell publication. TOO long to read quickly.
What I prefer is something like Nature or Science: quick and to the point, covering the main ideas, and not providing so many examples.
Writing is my new therapy for anxiety. Anxiety about life, my future, finances, going back into the gaming community.
I miss having free time. I like going to dance class every week, but somewhere along the way I lost the time to cook. All my kitchen equipment does nowadays is sit in my bedroom collecting dust.
Started watching a PBS documentary titled Between the Folds. Really intriguing how far along paper folding has developed. Origami was a favorite activity of mine as a kid, although the only folds I remember now are the paper crane and the box. Maybe the frog too...
*** I can't remember when I started this post, but I guess I should post it before it starts to rot.***
What I prefer is something like Nature or Science: quick and to the point, covering the main ideas, and not providing so many examples.
Writing is my new therapy for anxiety. Anxiety about life, my future, finances, going back into the gaming community.
I miss having free time. I like going to dance class every week, but somewhere along the way I lost the time to cook. All my kitchen equipment does nowadays is sit in my bedroom collecting dust.
Started watching a PBS documentary titled Between the Folds. Really intriguing how far along paper folding has developed. Origami was a favorite activity of mine as a kid, although the only folds I remember now are the paper crane and the box. Maybe the frog too...
*** I can't remember when I started this post, but I guess I should post it before it starts to rot.***
7.26.2010
monk kettles
Last night I went to Monk's Kettle to bid farewell to Clare.
Well, first off, we went to Gestalt Haus because there's always a wait at that forsaken restaurant.
I didn't drink anything there, but had finished my dance class right beforehand, so I took out my bag of dried mango slices to nibble on while we waited. Clare and Drab were getting hungry, so they purchased bratwursts at this bar, splitting half of their wursts with me. Drab's had sauerkraut and mustard while Clare's just had ketchup. Clare's was definitely better.
We sat and chatted for a while until Malice checked down the block to see if our table was ready.
A few minutes later, they sat the 5 of us down to a table. We all ordered different beers, shared the charcuterie, my mac and cheese. What else did we get: pot pie (1 short ribs, 1 chicken), pulled pork burger, seared ahi burger, and a lamb burger. Tried almost everything, and was intrigued by my ahi burger and the subtle combination of flavors. Sushi on a bun essentially, minus the bite of pickled vinegar and the nose-clearing effect of wasabi.
I was feeling fine up to a certain point. It could have been due to the combined effects of not having had a large lunch (oatmeal and chips), plus dehydration and exhaustion from dance class, and dehydration from the beer. After eating so much, we paid the bill and were ready to leave. I was standing with Malice when I felt my throat getting caught, and it felt difficult to breathe. I knew what was going to happen, so I turned towards the closest bin and threw up everything I ate that night all the way to the mango slices.
Then the waiter got mad at me for puking in the recycling bin. I apologized. He still looked angry- he was assigned the task of handpicking bottles out of the recycling bin. Sucks to be him.
Anyhow, Leigh Ugh was kind enough to carry all my stuff outside while the gang waited for me. I washed my mouth out in the bathroom, and started drinking from the bottle of water in my backpack, getting lost along the way to Van Ness station. I made it back safely, but hungry.
This morning, I had diarrhea. Talk about embracing the shame into the next day...
Well, first off, we went to Gestalt Haus because there's always a wait at that forsaken restaurant.
I didn't drink anything there, but had finished my dance class right beforehand, so I took out my bag of dried mango slices to nibble on while we waited. Clare and Drab were getting hungry, so they purchased bratwursts at this bar, splitting half of their wursts with me. Drab's had sauerkraut and mustard while Clare's just had ketchup. Clare's was definitely better.
We sat and chatted for a while until Malice checked down the block to see if our table was ready.
A few minutes later, they sat the 5 of us down to a table. We all ordered different beers, shared the charcuterie, my mac and cheese. What else did we get: pot pie (1 short ribs, 1 chicken), pulled pork burger, seared ahi burger, and a lamb burger. Tried almost everything, and was intrigued by my ahi burger and the subtle combination of flavors. Sushi on a bun essentially, minus the bite of pickled vinegar and the nose-clearing effect of wasabi.
I was feeling fine up to a certain point. It could have been due to the combined effects of not having had a large lunch (oatmeal and chips), plus dehydration and exhaustion from dance class, and dehydration from the beer. After eating so much, we paid the bill and were ready to leave. I was standing with Malice when I felt my throat getting caught, and it felt difficult to breathe. I knew what was going to happen, so I turned towards the closest bin and threw up everything I ate that night all the way to the mango slices.
Then the waiter got mad at me for puking in the recycling bin. I apologized. He still looked angry- he was assigned the task of handpicking bottles out of the recycling bin. Sucks to be him.
Anyhow, Leigh Ugh was kind enough to carry all my stuff outside while the gang waited for me. I washed my mouth out in the bathroom, and started drinking from the bottle of water in my backpack, getting lost along the way to Van Ness station. I made it back safely, but hungry.
This morning, I had diarrhea. Talk about embracing the shame into the next day...
7.05.2010
fifa
Had another dream last night, except I woke up and fell asleep before writing it down.
No 2 dreams have been the same, but why have I been dreaming almost every day this past week? What gives?!
I bet it's because my lab mates told me to let my creatives juices flow for my personal statement, and now it's overflowing into my subconscious.
Anyways, the writing is coming, albeit slowly.
Deadline = this week!
No 2 dreams have been the same, but why have I been dreaming almost every day this past week? What gives?!
I bet it's because my lab mates told me to let my creatives juices flow for my personal statement, and now it's overflowing into my subconscious.
Anyways, the writing is coming, albeit slowly.
Deadline = this week!
7.04.2010
twihard
Fanatics of any sort disturb me.
My dream on Friday night involved someone shaving my legs.
My dream last night?
I was stuck inside this underground facility/dungeon, and I was eating a Banh Mi (Vietnamese sandwich) until something started bothering me in my mouth. My fingers touched my top set of teeth, first my left central incisor, and then the left lateral incisor. Both of them had loosened, and the more I fiddled around with them, the looser they became.
The revelation of this dream is that I have no idea- or had forgotten- what the standard names are for each tooth in my mouth. Someone here actually performs research based on tooth stem cells. I also have no clue about how many teeth I should have in my mouth.
My dirty finger is now fiddling around in my mouth again. It seems I have 14 teeth on top and bottom. How about you?
My dream on Friday night involved someone shaving my legs.
My dream last night?
I was stuck inside this underground facility/dungeon, and I was eating a Banh Mi (Vietnamese sandwich) until something started bothering me in my mouth. My fingers touched my top set of teeth, first my left central incisor, and then the left lateral incisor. Both of them had loosened, and the more I fiddled around with them, the looser they became.
The revelation of this dream is that I have no idea- or had forgotten- what the standard names are for each tooth in my mouth. Someone here actually performs research based on tooth stem cells. I also have no clue about how many teeth I should have in my mouth.
My dirty finger is now fiddling around in my mouth again. It seems I have 14 teeth on top and bottom. How about you?
7.03.2010
bocuse
My library reading list currently:
The Passage
Medium Raw
The Killer Inside Me
Knives at Dawn
For people who don't know me, this could look like the dark desires of a apocalypse-craving, cannibalistic murderer.
OH who am I kidding- people who do know me would still see me as such.
My lab mates have voted me as most likely to be a secret serial killer like Dexter. I don't know how they're receiving those kinds of vibes from me.
I like this new blog scheme. It reminds me of Houston, or San Francisco on a good day.
The Passage
Medium Raw
The Killer Inside Me
Knives at Dawn
For people who don't know me, this could look like the dark desires of a apocalypse-craving, cannibalistic murderer.
OH who am I kidding- people who do know me would still see me as such.
My lab mates have voted me as most likely to be a secret serial killer like Dexter. I don't know how they're receiving those kinds of vibes from me.
I like this new blog scheme. It reminds me of Houston, or San Francisco on a good day.
6.28.2010
tPA
Woman w/ acute stroke.
Missed her window for tPA (4.5 hours), otherwise known as CLOT-BUSTER!
She is prime, though, for an embolectomy.
The neurologists were consulting w/ each other downstairs. It's like asking how many neurologists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I'm fascinated w/ the neuro cases. Everything else seems less.... shiny.
Gotta turn in my application.
Missed her window for tPA (4.5 hours), otherwise known as CLOT-BUSTER!
She is prime, though, for an embolectomy.
The neurologists were consulting w/ each other downstairs. It's like asking how many neurologists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I'm fascinated w/ the neuro cases. Everything else seems less.... shiny.
Gotta turn in my application.
5.31.2010
raison
Move-in: completed.
Just going to volunteer tonight, go back to one of my apts, sleep, and turn in my keys tomorrow to Yams.
Who knew there could be so many different types of straws to sell???
Finished one paragraph of my PS:
I finished it by talking about ikigai, and I want to propel it into a conversation on my ikigai, that being work at the moment. But then I wanted to flashback to my childhood, Saturday morning cartoons, superheroes and comic books/manga.
There's a bit of difficulty in blending the paragraphs together...
To read an ad-less blog, please visit my new tumblr page! (jasonjsiu.tumblr.com)
Just going to volunteer tonight, go back to one of my apts, sleep, and turn in my keys tomorrow to Yams.
Who knew there could be so many different types of straws to sell???
Finished one paragraph of my PS:
I finished it by talking about ikigai, and I want to propel it into a conversation on my ikigai, that being work at the moment. But then I wanted to flashback to my childhood, Saturday morning cartoons, superheroes and comic books/manga.
There's a bit of difficulty in blending the paragraphs together...
To read an ad-less blog, please visit my new tumblr page! (jasonjsiu.tumblr.com)
5.30.2010
city.car.share
I'm moving out of my apartment early tomorrow morning.
Renting out a car from some parking lot.
Why do I get the feeling that I'm going to be in a car accident tomorrow?
Oh well.
The only thing available is some Scion. Blegh.
Can I move out everything in 4 hours? I hope so- that's all I reserved the car for.
Dance class! Ciao!
Renting out a car from some parking lot.
Why do I get the feeling that I'm going to be in a car accident tomorrow?
Oh well.
The only thing available is some Scion. Blegh.
Can I move out everything in 4 hours? I hope so- that's all I reserved the car for.
Dance class! Ciao!
5.29.2010
binary choice
Why does it have to be one or the other, and not both?
I went to sleep annoyed, I wake up, STILL annoyed at my PI.
Even though Janey explained to me that my boss' criticisms may just be concern, it certainly did not come across that way.
Best thing to do now is escape. Into this new book I've checked out from the library.
The Windup Girl. Supposedly received excellent reviews, won some awards?
Giving science fiction another try.
Will let you know how it goes.
I went to sleep annoyed, I wake up, STILL annoyed at my PI.
Even though Janey explained to me that my boss' criticisms may just be concern, it certainly did not come across that way.
Best thing to do now is escape. Into this new book I've checked out from the library.
The Windup Girl. Supposedly received excellent reviews, won some awards?
Giving science fiction another try.
Will let you know how it goes.
5.15.2010
goemon
Would you ever give up your potential for achievement(s)- for various reasons- in order so that your significant other will succeed?
Even if it means that they end up being more successful professionally than you?
Tonight the sushi chef gave my lab mates and me complimentary sake and complimentary sushi. Excellent!
Oh right. I should blog about my night w/ Drab, Clare, and Amelia sometime soon. Tomorrow hopefully.
Too strung out on Dexter right now. If I can relate to the main character, does that make me a sociopath?
Even if it means that they end up being more successful professionally than you?
Tonight the sushi chef gave my lab mates and me complimentary sake and complimentary sushi. Excellent!
Oh right. I should blog about my night w/ Drab, Clare, and Amelia sometime soon. Tomorrow hopefully.
Too strung out on Dexter right now. If I can relate to the main character, does that make me a sociopath?
5.06.2010
pumice
I guess forwarding my blogger posts to tumblr is much easier than posting in tumblr itself.
What's new today...
Dinner w/ Drab, Clare, and Amelia @ Monk's Kettle tonight, 7 PM. I should probably get all my experiments finished by 6.
I should also get started on my personal statement, even though I feel the pressure to get an abstract submitted to Society for Neuroscience by next Thursday. My PI wants me to have this on my application- he thinks it would make me a more competitive applicant. I, of course, have my doubts...
In good news, I feel as though I have a sense of what I want to study/research in the future. I'm more certain of the career path I'm planning to pursue, i.e., I have less doubt about not living to my fullest. My concern about entering medicine was that I would be restricted in what I can and cannot do, but the more I thought about it, people can always find a way to play multiple roles in any job. Leader, organizer, teacher, mentor, that sort of thing.
Parties?! Ugh.
Let me tell you- I went partying with my lab mates (pretty much the only social group I have hung out with in forever), and we went karaoke-ing. It was actually okay. I didn't take sake bombs like the others did, but I DID have sake and beer. Separately. Then the group bought me mixed drinks (too sweet, in my opinion), but it got me through the dance party later that night. Broken glass. I bumped my eye/the ridge of my skull encasing my eye onto my lab mate's head, leaving both of us bruises for about a week. Jello shots, tequila shots. So much alcohol. Red flush, of course.
Oof. I'm not sure if I want to know what bourbon will do to me. And what are you doing in NOLA, Yoshi? And YES, MattPatt, zydeco's the word I'm looking for! I think... is that the type of music they played in The Frog Princess???
Haha, I have been getting accustomed to dogs lately. Still not sure whether I like the normal sized dogs, or the selectively breeded toy dogs with the smushed faces.
Anyhow, break time's over. Gotta start werkin'.
What's new today...
Dinner w/ Drab, Clare, and Amelia @ Monk's Kettle tonight, 7 PM. I should probably get all my experiments finished by 6.
I should also get started on my personal statement, even though I feel the pressure to get an abstract submitted to Society for Neuroscience by next Thursday. My PI wants me to have this on my application- he thinks it would make me a more competitive applicant. I, of course, have my doubts...
In good news, I feel as though I have a sense of what I want to study/research in the future. I'm more certain of the career path I'm planning to pursue, i.e., I have less doubt about not living to my fullest. My concern about entering medicine was that I would be restricted in what I can and cannot do, but the more I thought about it, people can always find a way to play multiple roles in any job. Leader, organizer, teacher, mentor, that sort of thing.
Parties?! Ugh.
Let me tell you- I went partying with my lab mates (pretty much the only social group I have hung out with in forever), and we went karaoke-ing. It was actually okay. I didn't take sake bombs like the others did, but I DID have sake and beer. Separately. Then the group bought me mixed drinks (too sweet, in my opinion), but it got me through the dance party later that night. Broken glass. I bumped my eye/the ridge of my skull encasing my eye onto my lab mate's head, leaving both of us bruises for about a week. Jello shots, tequila shots. So much alcohol. Red flush, of course.
Oof. I'm not sure if I want to know what bourbon will do to me. And what are you doing in NOLA, Yoshi? And YES, MattPatt, zydeco's the word I'm looking for! I think... is that the type of music they played in The Frog Princess???
Haha, I have been getting accustomed to dogs lately. Still not sure whether I like the normal sized dogs, or the selectively breeded toy dogs with the smushed faces.
Anyhow, break time's over. Gotta start werkin'.
5.03.2010
evolve
I have a craving for... visiting the south, and partying to Cajun music.
I still find love to be an overrated, dispensable emotion.
The people one cares for are too wishy-washy with their own feelings to be reliable.
Do people ever notice themselves changing from one year to the next?
I used to move so that I wouldn't stay rooted in one place for too long, and yet I find myself mired in here.
You think you can care for someone, but you know that it's never going to be what you want.
You can tell a lot about a person's age by staring at their hands.
Maybe it is wise to live one's life without ever fully opening to someone.
My age and cynicism are catching up with me.
Night.
I still find love to be an overrated, dispensable emotion.
The people one cares for are too wishy-washy with their own feelings to be reliable.
Do people ever notice themselves changing from one year to the next?
I used to move so that I wouldn't stay rooted in one place for too long, and yet I find myself mired in here.
You think you can care for someone, but you know that it's never going to be what you want.
You can tell a lot about a person's age by staring at their hands.
Maybe it is wise to live one's life without ever fully opening to someone.
My age and cynicism are catching up with me.
Night.
4.23.2010
yamasho
I don't understand how people can stand hanging around each other every single day. Couples, coworkers, family.
I couldn't even bear being around Drab for a few seconds- I was leaving Rock Hall w/ my rotation student, and out of nowhere this tall guy calls out,"Hi _____."
Ugh.
Everybody is lazy.
Too much data in my head. What do people do with so much data?
I couldn't even bear being around Drab for a few seconds- I was leaving Rock Hall w/ my rotation student, and out of nowhere this tall guy calls out,"Hi _____."
Ugh.
Everybody is lazy.
Too much data in my head. What do people do with so much data?
3.31.2010
memmi
PSH Jalto you totally missed the point of that last post!
Soy sauce jello: very weird. I used some Memmi (Japanese noodle soup base) last night to make the soy sauce jello for that Alinea recipe because it already has bonito extract in it, and I would prefer not to have fish flakes on top of my frozen mango.
Last Friday, I placed my metal pizza pan on top of dry ice to serve as a cheap alternative to an antigriddle. Mango puree in the shape of a ring, a drop of sesame oil in the middle, and VERY LITTLE of the soy sauce, pardon, memmi jello.
I like contrasting flavors in my food, but I never expected anything so sharp in distinction as I go from subtle mango (somehow pureeing the mango reduces the strength of its taste) to a smooth sesame and then punch-in-your-mouth salty sauce. Other people seemed to like it. I think they were just being kind.
In the ER on Wednesday, I was sitting for an old lady. Let's call her Marijuana. Old. Alone. Coughing so much. I kept getting her water and handing it to her, with a straw in the cup so that she could drink it- she had difficulty with her hands, controlling them.
My other cousins, aunt, and uncle are coming into town. More free dinners, MMM!
It's too warm for me to think and write. Another time, folks.
Soy sauce jello: very weird. I used some Memmi (Japanese noodle soup base) last night to make the soy sauce jello for that Alinea recipe because it already has bonito extract in it, and I would prefer not to have fish flakes on top of my frozen mango.
Last Friday, I placed my metal pizza pan on top of dry ice to serve as a cheap alternative to an antigriddle. Mango puree in the shape of a ring, a drop of sesame oil in the middle, and VERY LITTLE of the soy sauce, pardon, memmi jello.
I like contrasting flavors in my food, but I never expected anything so sharp in distinction as I go from subtle mango (somehow pureeing the mango reduces the strength of its taste) to a smooth sesame and then punch-in-your-mouth salty sauce. Other people seemed to like it. I think they were just being kind.
In the ER on Wednesday, I was sitting for an old lady. Let's call her Marijuana. Old. Alone. Coughing so much. I kept getting her water and handing it to her, with a straw in the cup so that she could drink it- she had difficulty with her hands, controlling them.
My other cousins, aunt, and uncle are coming into town. More free dinners, MMM!
It's too warm for me to think and write. Another time, folks.
3.30.2010
patient zero
EW EW EW. Someone's hair in my pillow that doesn't belong to me.
I almost volunteered 22 hours this week. I missed my shift, which took away 6 hours, and the guy I was going to cover Saturday found someone else instead to cover his shift. So I only volunteered 12 hours so far. I'll be doing another 4 hours tomorrow.
What was painful, though, was volunteering for 8 hours on Sunday, with a 1-hour break in between. My legs were so exhausted that night that I felt it even in the morning as I woke up. Yet I felt better about waking up in the morning, even though it was too sunny recently.
The weather has taken a turn, towards the usual gray skies and cold showers that attracted me to San Francisco.
I have some plans to travel to Italy, hopefully in the summertime while I apply to medical school. Should I be going through this all over again?
There are many moments where I begin to have negative thoughts during the day. Such as when I'm sitting outside the conference room, eating with my lab mates, while the other lab inside is celebrating the technician from their lab. It was his birthday on Sunday, he got accepted into medical school, and he will be leaving the lab soon, so it was a bit congratulatory, a bit of a farewell party all rolled into one. Maybe it was the envy and resentment that sparked my self-loathing.
It could probably be that everyone around me is having such success- even the medical student in our lab received an award for a prestigious neurosurgery grant application on the first try. This all happens, and I feel as though I'm the one in the race with the Red Queen from Lewis Carroll's novel. I run, but I have to keep running faster, only to end up in the same place.
My resentment spreads to my boss at times, seeing the way he helps everyone else in lab, helping them succeed. The trigger was probably observing how much effort he put into everyone else's applications, and he barely even took a glance at mine before I turned it in.
Thoughts flow from there to me thinking about all the effort I put in to raise everybody else, to help everyone else succeed. So where does that leave me? Should I have been thinking about numero uno all this time? Was it not strategic to think only of my self-interests and goals? It's this feeing of helping all and not being helped in return. All I do is give, and all others do is take away from me.
Excluding all that, I am now under a bit of pressure. Think Atlas holding up the world. I have to prepare my application, try to do enough experiments to get an abstract or paper submitted before I turn in my application, learn bioinformatics so that I CAN do the proper analysis to get the paper submitted, continue volunteering to earn enough hours for a letter of recommendation, and pick up the slack for people not doing their job in lab.
Quote that made my day: "I can't derive motivation from rare but transcendental moments of success amid a long drought of failure..." ~Ed Yong, in some interview on a science blog.
It feels good to write after a long time. I need to return to doing it regularly again. It's like sending away my consciousness into space. Just letting my day go, in anticipation of the new day, that is, tomorrow.
I almost volunteered 22 hours this week. I missed my shift, which took away 6 hours, and the guy I was going to cover Saturday found someone else instead to cover his shift. So I only volunteered 12 hours so far. I'll be doing another 4 hours tomorrow.
What was painful, though, was volunteering for 8 hours on Sunday, with a 1-hour break in between. My legs were so exhausted that night that I felt it even in the morning as I woke up. Yet I felt better about waking up in the morning, even though it was too sunny recently.
The weather has taken a turn, towards the usual gray skies and cold showers that attracted me to San Francisco.
I have some plans to travel to Italy, hopefully in the summertime while I apply to medical school. Should I be going through this all over again?
There are many moments where I begin to have negative thoughts during the day. Such as when I'm sitting outside the conference room, eating with my lab mates, while the other lab inside is celebrating the technician from their lab. It was his birthday on Sunday, he got accepted into medical school, and he will be leaving the lab soon, so it was a bit congratulatory, a bit of a farewell party all rolled into one. Maybe it was the envy and resentment that sparked my self-loathing.
It could probably be that everyone around me is having such success- even the medical student in our lab received an award for a prestigious neurosurgery grant application on the first try. This all happens, and I feel as though I'm the one in the race with the Red Queen from Lewis Carroll's novel. I run, but I have to keep running faster, only to end up in the same place.
My resentment spreads to my boss at times, seeing the way he helps everyone else in lab, helping them succeed. The trigger was probably observing how much effort he put into everyone else's applications, and he barely even took a glance at mine before I turned it in.
Thoughts flow from there to me thinking about all the effort I put in to raise everybody else, to help everyone else succeed. So where does that leave me? Should I have been thinking about numero uno all this time? Was it not strategic to think only of my self-interests and goals? It's this feeing of helping all and not being helped in return. All I do is give, and all others do is take away from me.
Excluding all that, I am now under a bit of pressure. Think Atlas holding up the world. I have to prepare my application, try to do enough experiments to get an abstract or paper submitted before I turn in my application, learn bioinformatics so that I CAN do the proper analysis to get the paper submitted, continue volunteering to earn enough hours for a letter of recommendation, and pick up the slack for people not doing their job in lab.
Quote that made my day: "I can't derive motivation from rare but transcendental moments of success amid a long drought of failure..." ~Ed Yong, in some interview on a science blog.
It feels good to write after a long time. I need to return to doing it regularly again. It's like sending away my consciousness into space. Just letting my day go, in anticipation of the new day, that is, tomorrow.
3.09.2010
ad hoc
Last night in the ER:
Tried to speak in Mandarin/Cantonese for an hour to take a patient's history (non-medical).
Went back sometime later to explain to the patient in Cantonese that she shouldn't be taking any medications the doctors/nurses have not allowed them to take.
Old people coming in. Old people ass. Chest pain. Central lines. Mmm.
Pot luck was held to celebrate a nurse's birthday. White girl, with a Chinese husband. Good food/dinner at midnight. Gumbo, cupcakes, cake (ew), chips, pita chips, hummus, chicken pesto salad, iced tea, fruit salad,
Russian couple same in, man probably had an attack. Heart or brain, I don't know. They just kept arguing the whole time while the doctors stood there stumped because they could not speak Russian.
Steam pipe burst outside the ER. Fire alarm went off INSIDE the ER. Everyone kept doing what they were doing.
While eating potluck, I heard so much gossip about things going on in the hospital. Medical errors, anal supervisors. I always end up knowing too much about things I don't want to know about...
Tried to speak in Mandarin/Cantonese for an hour to take a patient's history (non-medical).
Went back sometime later to explain to the patient in Cantonese that she shouldn't be taking any medications the doctors/nurses have not allowed them to take.
Old people coming in. Old people ass. Chest pain. Central lines. Mmm.
Pot luck was held to celebrate a nurse's birthday. White girl, with a Chinese husband. Good food/dinner at midnight. Gumbo, cupcakes, cake (ew), chips, pita chips, hummus, chicken pesto salad, iced tea, fruit salad,
Russian couple same in, man probably had an attack. Heart or brain, I don't know. They just kept arguing the whole time while the doctors stood there stumped because they could not speak Russian.
Steam pipe burst outside the ER. Fire alarm went off INSIDE the ER. Everyone kept doing what they were doing.
While eating potluck, I heard so much gossip about things going on in the hospital. Medical errors, anal supervisors. I always end up knowing too much about things I don't want to know about...
2.10.2010
fricase
Volunteered in the ER again. Making more friends. Enjoy working with the people during the nightshift.
A lady I had met earlier in the ER was walking outside the hospital when I was leaving, and she warmly thanked me for having helped her family deal with the long wait.
It felt... nice? I don't know much, but I certainly know more about customer service than any of the doctors in the ER ever will.
A lady I had met earlier in the ER was walking outside the hospital when I was leaving, and she warmly thanked me for having helped her family deal with the long wait.
It felt... nice? I don't know much, but I certainly know more about customer service than any of the doctors in the ER ever will.
1.26.2010
spinal tap
Volunteered in the ER again last night.
Had the chance to observe Dr. Watts perform a lumbar puncture on a psych patient. Mmm, CSF.
Tried to speak Cantonese AND Mandarin to a patient's relative trying to explain to them that when the bone broke in one direction, you have to push it straight and then pull it in the opposite direction to over-correct it.
Delivered blood, CSF samples to the lab, some patient info to the 9th floor, where these nurses were surprised that a volunteer would work until midnight.
All the Asians and Hispanics down in the ER are SO nice to me!
Enjoyed the graham crackers, cranberry juice, apple juice, and orange juice in the break room.
Last night was also the night I have seen so many patients' underwears. It's like college all over again. Unpleasant, uncomfortable, and blinding to my vision.
When it rains, there seems to be a lot more patients in the ER. Don't know why.
Body is still sore from the accident Friday. Maybe my body's getting out of shock. My left temple hurts, the right side of my body is sore, and I'm more tired than usual. Aye.
Going to sit in on a class tonight. It's just one meeting- the rest will be online, which may not be such a bad thing.
Had the chance to observe Dr. Watts perform a lumbar puncture on a psych patient. Mmm, CSF.
Tried to speak Cantonese AND Mandarin to a patient's relative trying to explain to them that when the bone broke in one direction, you have to push it straight and then pull it in the opposite direction to over-correct it.
Delivered blood, CSF samples to the lab, some patient info to the 9th floor, where these nurses were surprised that a volunteer would work until midnight.
All the Asians and Hispanics down in the ER are SO nice to me!
Enjoyed the graham crackers, cranberry juice, apple juice, and orange juice in the break room.
Last night was also the night I have seen so many patients' underwears. It's like college all over again. Unpleasant, uncomfortable, and blinding to my vision.
When it rains, there seems to be a lot more patients in the ER. Don't know why.
Body is still sore from the accident Friday. Maybe my body's getting out of shock. My left temple hurts, the right side of my body is sore, and I'm more tired than usual. Aye.
Going to sit in on a class tonight. It's just one meeting- the rest will be online, which may not be such a bad thing.
1.25.2010
starcraft
Yes, that's the name of the shuttle.
Thursday 01.21.10.
During most of the day, people were using the microscope room with the lights on, so I wasn't able to start taking any fluorescence photos until 6 PM at night. In addition, my friend/lab mate wanted me to attend the Eric Kandel lecture at Mission Bay because she didn't want to go alone. What's up with girls always needing a companion to go with them somewhere so that they don't feel lonely? Well, his lecture was pretty interesting, and he was comical, although a lot of people seemed to fall asleep. Most of his research was biochemistry stuff, and I enjoyed the connections his work makes from the molecular level to the behavioral. I was a little envious of how his findings looked so effortless.
So traveling to the other campus took up about 2.5 hrs out of my day, and I ended up taking pictures until around midnight. Then I had to start prepping my powerpoint for lab meeting. The week before, my lab manager had asked me to switch places with him, for reasons unknown but most likely due to his brother coming into the City to visit. Big mistake.
Friday 01.22.10
At midnight, before I went on to pasting the images into my powerpoint, I had to extract them from the microscope. Still, I felt dirty so I walked back to my apartment to take a shower. I was laying in bed for a while before showering, taking out my contacts, and returning to lab, which turned out to be 1:30 AM. In lab, I extracted the photos from our Leica microscope (awesome), setting the red and green exposure to 125 ms, DAPI channel to 5 ms, and the picture quality as JPEGs of 88%.
It was a mistake to place data on before working on the rationale, but I was in lab, the heaters had turned off, and mucus was flowing out of my nose. I pretty much didn't care at that point. Cropping pictures to 25% or 15% its size, depending on if I placed 4 or 8 images on one slide, I put them all into my work, even the data that wasn't relevant to the project. My body lost thermal homeostasis, so I was wearing my hoodie from American Apparel along with a windbreaker, the only two jackets I brought to lab. I was like this until about 8 or 9 when people started trickling in, turning on the lights, hurting my eyes. Around 9:20 I left with my postdoc to get dim sum for breakfast.
10 AM. 24 hours without sleep, and time for lab meeting. Totally unfocused. Such is the theme of my life.
Anyhow, sleep-deprived, went to the VA, took the shuttle back, and got hit by a car from the other side of the road. More deets on this later.
Thursday 01.21.10.
During most of the day, people were using the microscope room with the lights on, so I wasn't able to start taking any fluorescence photos until 6 PM at night. In addition, my friend/lab mate wanted me to attend the Eric Kandel lecture at Mission Bay because she didn't want to go alone. What's up with girls always needing a companion to go with them somewhere so that they don't feel lonely? Well, his lecture was pretty interesting, and he was comical, although a lot of people seemed to fall asleep. Most of his research was biochemistry stuff, and I enjoyed the connections his work makes from the molecular level to the behavioral. I was a little envious of how his findings looked so effortless.
So traveling to the other campus took up about 2.5 hrs out of my day, and I ended up taking pictures until around midnight. Then I had to start prepping my powerpoint for lab meeting. The week before, my lab manager had asked me to switch places with him, for reasons unknown but most likely due to his brother coming into the City to visit. Big mistake.
Friday 01.22.10
At midnight, before I went on to pasting the images into my powerpoint, I had to extract them from the microscope. Still, I felt dirty so I walked back to my apartment to take a shower. I was laying in bed for a while before showering, taking out my contacts, and returning to lab, which turned out to be 1:30 AM. In lab, I extracted the photos from our Leica microscope (awesome), setting the red and green exposure to 125 ms, DAPI channel to 5 ms, and the picture quality as JPEGs of 88%.
It was a mistake to place data on before working on the rationale, but I was in lab, the heaters had turned off, and mucus was flowing out of my nose. I pretty much didn't care at that point. Cropping pictures to 25% or 15% its size, depending on if I placed 4 or 8 images on one slide, I put them all into my work, even the data that wasn't relevant to the project. My body lost thermal homeostasis, so I was wearing my hoodie from American Apparel along with a windbreaker, the only two jackets I brought to lab. I was like this until about 8 or 9 when people started trickling in, turning on the lights, hurting my eyes. Around 9:20 I left with my postdoc to get dim sum for breakfast.
10 AM. 24 hours without sleep, and time for lab meeting. Totally unfocused. Such is the theme of my life.
Anyhow, sleep-deprived, went to the VA, took the shuttle back, and got hit by a car from the other side of the road. More deets on this later.
1.23.2010
resolve
Working out a list of things I should work on, personally and/or professionally:
Read (leisure): check out books from library. Currently this involves only medical nonfiction. If anyone has a good recommendation, let me know!
Read (work): 1 each day of Nature, Science, Cell, Neuron, NEJM, Cell Stem Cell, Nature Genetics, Nature Medicine. Again, if anyone thinks there's other good quality journals, let me know.
Read (MCAT?): 1.5 hours each morning/night of Economist, Harper's, Atlantic Monthly, New Yorker, New York Times, BBC News. Additional recommendations?
Go to bed each night around 10 or 10:30 PM, wake up at 5:30 AM.
Try to work until 5 or 6 PM, try not to work on weekends... too much.
Cook from 6-8 PM.
Exercise! (When? I don't know about this, besides my dance classes on Sundays.)
Continue volunteering.
More rejection letters, except I've been so numb and desensitized that I just don't care anymore, or the soreness from the car accident yesterday has numbed my nerves. They were also at places I didn't particularly care to go.
I was going to put try to socialize more, but that just interferes with the rest of my goals. Besides, I talk plenty enough to lab mates and coworkers in the ER when I volunteer there.
Crap, missing dinner. Going to grab food. I'm also trying out this new e-mail to blogger posting. Will see how it works.
Nighty night.
Read (leisure): check out books from library. Currently this involves only medical nonfiction. If anyone has a good recommendation, let me know!
Read (work): 1 each day of Nature, Science, Cell, Neuron, NEJM, Cell Stem Cell, Nature Genetics, Nature Medicine. Again, if anyone thinks there's other good quality journals, let me know.
Read (MCAT?): 1.5 hours each morning/night of Economist, Harper's, Atlantic Monthly, New Yorker, New York Times, BBC News. Additional recommendations?
Go to bed each night around 10 or 10:30 PM, wake up at 5:30 AM.
Try to work until 5 or 6 PM, try not to work on weekends... too much.
Cook from 6-8 PM.
Exercise! (When? I don't know about this, besides my dance classes on Sundays.)
Continue volunteering.
More rejection letters, except I've been so numb and desensitized that I just don't care anymore, or the soreness from the car accident yesterday has numbed my nerves. They were also at places I didn't particularly care to go.
I was going to put try to socialize more, but that just interferes with the rest of my goals. Besides, I talk plenty enough to lab mates and coworkers in the ER when I volunteer there.
Crap, missing dinner. Going to grab food. I'm also trying out this new e-mail to blogger posting. Will see how it works.
Nighty night.
1.18.2010
decorticate
What lies on the other side of death?
Is it better to live comfortably doing something that is satisfactory at best, or is it better to live enduring stress, losing years of one's life doing something personally worthwhile?
Hmm. I just had a losing-sight-of-the-big-picture moment. What is the big picture?
Isn't that the question they always wanted us to answer in elementary school? Or a similar question along those lines (what is the main theme, what is the main idea, etc.).
I'm not really sure why I'm having a strenuous time dealing with this situation.
Went volunteering in the ER last night. Had to sit for a transgendered senior citizen from 10 to 11. Although they got her to the correct floor- for a brain mass- they forget to return her dentures and ring with her other belongings. I ended up staring at these plaque-ridden teeth and started wondering how my teeth looked on the inside. Moreover, I turned the denture container so far that the liquid started spilling out of it and touching the ring that was also sealed inside the plastic bag. Whoops.
I also got to meet some more volunteers. New ones. I'm still not sure whether the nurse, a gay gentlemen, is hitting on me or just being nice. Also wasn't sure whether the Asian girl volunteer was flirting with me or not. Anyways, too oblivious to see these things from the get-go.
Another thing I did last night was just deliver a note to one of the helpers down in the ER. This Asian guy named Sam (?) asked me last week about the SATs and how my cousin did so well. Eventually I asked her, but she never really studied for the test and scored over 2200. Or was it 2300? Some ridiculously high score, and now I hear her parents are pushing her towards engineering. My cousin asked her other friends to see what they used to study for the test, and I just relayed that information to him. He seemed really intent on online sources that didn't cost anything, though. Maybe he doesn't earn enough with his current job. More proof that standardized tests benefit the wealthy more.
Once it turned midnight, I started leaving the ER to find some fat lady in pink with who I presumed to be her mother. Being the person who makes so many mistakes, I bothered to ask them if they needed any help. They wanted to get to the 15th floor, where the pregnancy suite was. Ohhhhhh, so that's why her stomach is bloated. I willed myself to escort...
I think the appropriate word I think I'm feeling is marginalized. Well, at the moment anyhow.
Back to story: Started escorting that patient down the hallway, all while she was panicking nonsensically about hemorrhaging or something being wrong with the baby. I offered to hold her purse so that she could pay attention to just her baby and walking to her room. Waiting in the elevator, I was starting to get grossed out when the husband started trying to comfort the wife, kissing each other. Ugh, gross! What you NEED to tell her is to calm her ass down.
What I also don't understand is why they put the baby-delivering (I guess OB/GYN suite?) at the 15th floor, the TOP floor in the hospital! What the hell?! In the end she made it to her room, and I went home to a nice bowl of curry that Yams made for me. MMM! Simple, yet satisfying. Dark chicken meat, carrots, celery, and a brown curry sauce, which I mixed with the rice he also left out for me. SO HAPPY! Was watching Princess and the Frog while eating my late dinner. The movie started out SOOO GOOD when they talked about dreams of opening up a diner. And then it got boring with the love and the romancing bull crap.
Tired of writing. Bon soir!
Is it better to live comfortably doing something that is satisfactory at best, or is it better to live enduring stress, losing years of one's life doing something personally worthwhile?
Hmm. I just had a losing-sight-of-the-big-picture moment. What is the big picture?
Isn't that the question they always wanted us to answer in elementary school? Or a similar question along those lines (what is the main theme, what is the main idea, etc.).
I'm not really sure why I'm having a strenuous time dealing with this situation.
Went volunteering in the ER last night. Had to sit for a transgendered senior citizen from 10 to 11. Although they got her to the correct floor- for a brain mass- they forget to return her dentures and ring with her other belongings. I ended up staring at these plaque-ridden teeth and started wondering how my teeth looked on the inside. Moreover, I turned the denture container so far that the liquid started spilling out of it and touching the ring that was also sealed inside the plastic bag. Whoops.
I also got to meet some more volunteers. New ones. I'm still not sure whether the nurse, a gay gentlemen, is hitting on me or just being nice. Also wasn't sure whether the Asian girl volunteer was flirting with me or not. Anyways, too oblivious to see these things from the get-go.
Another thing I did last night was just deliver a note to one of the helpers down in the ER. This Asian guy named Sam (?) asked me last week about the SATs and how my cousin did so well. Eventually I asked her, but she never really studied for the test and scored over 2200. Or was it 2300? Some ridiculously high score, and now I hear her parents are pushing her towards engineering. My cousin asked her other friends to see what they used to study for the test, and I just relayed that information to him. He seemed really intent on online sources that didn't cost anything, though. Maybe he doesn't earn enough with his current job. More proof that standardized tests benefit the wealthy more.
Once it turned midnight, I started leaving the ER to find some fat lady in pink with who I presumed to be her mother. Being the person who makes so many mistakes, I bothered to ask them if they needed any help. They wanted to get to the 15th floor, where the pregnancy suite was. Ohhhhhh, so that's why her stomach is bloated. I willed myself to escort...
I think the appropriate word I think I'm feeling is marginalized. Well, at the moment anyhow.
Back to story: Started escorting that patient down the hallway, all while she was panicking nonsensically about hemorrhaging or something being wrong with the baby. I offered to hold her purse so that she could pay attention to just her baby and walking to her room. Waiting in the elevator, I was starting to get grossed out when the husband started trying to comfort the wife, kissing each other. Ugh, gross! What you NEED to tell her is to calm her ass down.
What I also don't understand is why they put the baby-delivering (I guess OB/GYN suite?) at the 15th floor, the TOP floor in the hospital! What the hell?! In the end she made it to her room, and I went home to a nice bowl of curry that Yams made for me. MMM! Simple, yet satisfying. Dark chicken meat, carrots, celery, and a brown curry sauce, which I mixed with the rice he also left out for me. SO HAPPY! Was watching Princess and the Frog while eating my late dinner. The movie started out SOOO GOOD when they talked about dreams of opening up a diner. And then it got boring with the love and the romancing bull crap.
Tired of writing. Bon soir!
1.17.2010
babinski
Why do I catch people in the most awkward of attire?
Went to bed last night thinking negative thoughts. Got really angry, then sweaty. Then I fell asleep.
Whenever I go to bed, I usually forget about anything that happened the previous day. I supposedly let go of short-term grudges.
However, this morning, I woke up still angry. Very peculiar.
I'm still unsure about what to do with my situation, and I don't expect anyone else to have great advice, because nobody is equipped with the same circumstances as I am. Still uncertain, but I think I know what I have to do regardless.
There's the option of taking night classes while working to boost my GPA, or studying furiously to retake the MCAT. The average MCAT at this school is 37.5 for MSTP matriculants. Can I just say that that is ridonkulous?
And once I think about that, I ask myself why does one-tenth of a point really matter? Why does even 6 more points matter? Everyone is just seen as numbers up to a certain point.
My other thought was just to prep for actuarial exams, as a backup in case everything goes wrong. AGAIN. Another thought would be culinary school, which only requires 6 months apprenticing in the back of house.
Why am I inclined towards stressful occupations at both ends of the income spectrum? One works you like a horse for minimum wage while the other works you like a horse for a substantial amount once you exit residency.
Being in lab this late at night is peaceful. I hear nothing but the faint whirring of the air conditioner, and the consistent clicking of the clock as time passes, unconcerned about my need for more. The one constant in my life is time; that's one thing that hasn't let me down.
What it ultimately comes down to is: will my current achievements ever be able to rectify my past mistakes? Is that the only reason as to why people hesitate?
Went to bed last night thinking negative thoughts. Got really angry, then sweaty. Then I fell asleep.
Whenever I go to bed, I usually forget about anything that happened the previous day. I supposedly let go of short-term grudges.
However, this morning, I woke up still angry. Very peculiar.
I'm still unsure about what to do with my situation, and I don't expect anyone else to have great advice, because nobody is equipped with the same circumstances as I am. Still uncertain, but I think I know what I have to do regardless.
There's the option of taking night classes while working to boost my GPA, or studying furiously to retake the MCAT. The average MCAT at this school is 37.5 for MSTP matriculants. Can I just say that that is ridonkulous?
And once I think about that, I ask myself why does one-tenth of a point really matter? Why does even 6 more points matter? Everyone is just seen as numbers up to a certain point.
My other thought was just to prep for actuarial exams, as a backup in case everything goes wrong. AGAIN. Another thought would be culinary school, which only requires 6 months apprenticing in the back of house.
Why am I inclined towards stressful occupations at both ends of the income spectrum? One works you like a horse for minimum wage while the other works you like a horse for a substantial amount once you exit residency.
Being in lab this late at night is peaceful. I hear nothing but the faint whirring of the air conditioner, and the consistent clicking of the clock as time passes, unconcerned about my need for more. The one constant in my life is time; that's one thing that hasn't let me down.
What it ultimately comes down to is: will my current achievements ever be able to rectify my past mistakes? Is that the only reason as to why people hesitate?
1.15.2010
cushing's disease
Thursday afternoon I was walking towards the library feeling just great until I started thinking about everything in my life.
You remember those video games or the cartoons where this being of pure good is slowly enveloped by this black amorphous mass? That's how I felt once I started even thinking about the future.
My PI's third child was born yesterday, and my lab mate wanted to go grab flowers and balloons and champagne for him and his wife to congratulate them. I'm not sure if it was the entire time, but I was just thinking about how frivolous it is to bring another human into this world. Is that really something to celebrate over?
Maybe I AM angry at someone. Maybe I'm angry at everyone.
When children act like children, it's cute, but when adults act like children, it's annoying.
How is it that I've been rationalizing things like this recently? It's like, you try your hardest for other people, and hope that they could help you in some manner in return. The only conclusion reached from this experience is that when you put other people's success above your own, you set yourself up for failure.
My mind keeps repeating, rewinding, repeating- all the events from last January until now. People just keep telling me to apply earlier. What was I doing at that time? I was doing lab work, trying to generate useful data to be put onto grants. Am I mad at my Dandruff (came up with that nickname recently. SO clever!)? Is my frustration directed towards my lab, then, and science, most of all.
I don't place my faith in a higher being. I don't place my faith in other people. And yet somehow I managed to put my trust in something beyond my control, which was an irrational move on my part.
I've also started to get slightly annoyed with a particular postdoc in the lab. For the most part, before she arrived, I had been volunteering my time to autoclave supplies, stock people's shelves, cleaning and organizing most of the lab so that the whole machine could run smoothly...
I was interrupted just now, so I actually feel better, which would disrupt the flow of this story. Anyways, going to call it a early night in lab!
You remember those video games or the cartoons where this being of pure good is slowly enveloped by this black amorphous mass? That's how I felt once I started even thinking about the future.
My PI's third child was born yesterday, and my lab mate wanted to go grab flowers and balloons and champagne for him and his wife to congratulate them. I'm not sure if it was the entire time, but I was just thinking about how frivolous it is to bring another human into this world. Is that really something to celebrate over?
Maybe I AM angry at someone. Maybe I'm angry at everyone.
When children act like children, it's cute, but when adults act like children, it's annoying.
How is it that I've been rationalizing things like this recently? It's like, you try your hardest for other people, and hope that they could help you in some manner in return. The only conclusion reached from this experience is that when you put other people's success above your own, you set yourself up for failure.
My mind keeps repeating, rewinding, repeating- all the events from last January until now. People just keep telling me to apply earlier. What was I doing at that time? I was doing lab work, trying to generate useful data to be put onto grants. Am I mad at my Dandruff (came up with that nickname recently. SO clever!)? Is my frustration directed towards my lab, then, and science, most of all.
I don't place my faith in a higher being. I don't place my faith in other people. And yet somehow I managed to put my trust in something beyond my control, which was an irrational move on my part.
I've also started to get slightly annoyed with a particular postdoc in the lab. For the most part, before she arrived, I had been volunteering my time to autoclave supplies, stock people's shelves, cleaning and organizing most of the lab so that the whole machine could run smoothly...
I was interrupted just now, so I actually feel better, which would disrupt the flow of this story. Anyways, going to call it a early night in lab!
1.12.2010
mesen
Last night I decided to drop down and go volunteering.
It was nice seeing the familiar faces again. All the coworkers I met before recognized me, which made me feel all the guiltier about not volunteering consistently. And by inconsistent, I mean 3 or 4 times last year.
Once I got down there, wearing a blue+collared t-shirt that was a little too form-fitting, I began wandering around to see what could be done.
The best moment of the night wasn't the persistent vomiting coming from one room (which a nurse requested me to clean up- egh), or the loud moans of pain heard from another, but being able to speak Cantonese to the patients who needed something. One lady, shaved head and in Buddhist garb, just wanted the headrest lowered for her relative, the patient. Then I asked her if she'd like any water while she waited, and indeed she was thirsty.
I walked around the department later on, and in the same room, some doctor was trying to ask the patient questions, except, instead of trying to find a translator, she thought that shouting the questions louder would help. It doesn't, lady.
What I realized from last night: our current generation of doctors are entitled, slow, and lazier than the rest of the medical staff. All they do is sit around in their workstation/room gossiping about their personal lives and staring at the computer screen.
That's just one fault I found with the emergency room department. Another issue is the lack of customer service. There's just people waiting there, snickering about how the doctors have no idea what their problem is. I decided to make the effort myself to offer food/drinks to families of patients, very much the sort of thing I would do at my parents' restaurant. It really doesn't take that much to make people more satisfied with the tiring experience of waiting in an emergency department to be diagnosed, treated, and sent home.
I enjoyed eating the stuff in the food pantry, though, that SHOULD go out to patients, but there was plenty enough for me. I had orange juice, cranberry juice, honey grahams. The only terrible part of the night was afterwards, when I discovered that the hospital cafeteria closed before midnight. Luckily I brought back with me a jug of milk and applesauce. Still, I went to bed right after eating those 2 things, missing dinner that night. Oy.
No time left- gotta start working!
It was nice seeing the familiar faces again. All the coworkers I met before recognized me, which made me feel all the guiltier about not volunteering consistently. And by inconsistent, I mean 3 or 4 times last year.
Once I got down there, wearing a blue+collared t-shirt that was a little too form-fitting, I began wandering around to see what could be done.
The best moment of the night wasn't the persistent vomiting coming from one room (which a nurse requested me to clean up- egh), or the loud moans of pain heard from another, but being able to speak Cantonese to the patients who needed something. One lady, shaved head and in Buddhist garb, just wanted the headrest lowered for her relative, the patient. Then I asked her if she'd like any water while she waited, and indeed she was thirsty.
I walked around the department later on, and in the same room, some doctor was trying to ask the patient questions, except, instead of trying to find a translator, she thought that shouting the questions louder would help. It doesn't, lady.
What I realized from last night: our current generation of doctors are entitled, slow, and lazier than the rest of the medical staff. All they do is sit around in their workstation/room gossiping about their personal lives and staring at the computer screen.
That's just one fault I found with the emergency room department. Another issue is the lack of customer service. There's just people waiting there, snickering about how the doctors have no idea what their problem is. I decided to make the effort myself to offer food/drinks to families of patients, very much the sort of thing I would do at my parents' restaurant. It really doesn't take that much to make people more satisfied with the tiring experience of waiting in an emergency department to be diagnosed, treated, and sent home.
I enjoyed eating the stuff in the food pantry, though, that SHOULD go out to patients, but there was plenty enough for me. I had orange juice, cranberry juice, honey grahams. The only terrible part of the night was afterwards, when I discovered that the hospital cafeteria closed before midnight. Luckily I brought back with me a jug of milk and applesauce. Still, I went to bed right after eating those 2 things, missing dinner that night. Oy.
No time left- gotta start working!
1.11.2010
ander
I have a new favorite threesome.
Here's one hint: it it NOT and NEVER WILL BE Janey and her Dan.
Hmm, another hint: NO blondes!
Off to volunteer tonight in the ER.
Talking to Kaiser actually made me feel slightly better last night.
Everyone that has gone off into med school ultimately has no time for their friends. That could possibly explain why they instead start pair-bonding with those other parasites known as classmates. The amount of sexual activity among medical students is even more incestuous than that of graduate students. Blegh.
New cookbooks came in!!! Momofuku, Mastering the Art of Chinese Cooking.
Oops, have to poops. TTYLz, y'all.
Here's one hint: it it NOT and NEVER WILL BE Janey and her Dan.
Hmm, another hint: NO blondes!
Off to volunteer tonight in the ER.
Talking to Kaiser actually made me feel slightly better last night.
Everyone that has gone off into med school ultimately has no time for their friends. That could possibly explain why they instead start pair-bonding with those other parasites known as classmates. The amount of sexual activity among medical students is even more incestuous than that of graduate students. Blegh.
New cookbooks came in!!! Momofuku, Mastering the Art of Chinese Cooking.
Oops, have to poops. TTYLz, y'all.
1.10.2010
foxp2
So I was off by a number.
Think I'll go volunteering in the ER tonight, another part of my goal re-evaluation.
Only I can fix myself. We'll see if I can return to myself before this disastrous season.
If only Buffy could kick my ass.
Going to start exercising again tonight. You remember, calisthenics and some cardio.
Also going to read Intern while doing laundry, then hopefully travel to Safeway and buy the ingredients I need for my French Laundry recipes.
2 cookbooks arriving tomorrow!
Think I'll go volunteering in the ER tonight, another part of my goal re-evaluation.
Only I can fix myself. We'll see if I can return to myself before this disastrous season.
If only Buffy could kick my ass.
Going to start exercising again tonight. You remember, calisthenics and some cardio.
Also going to read Intern while doing laundry, then hopefully travel to Safeway and buy the ingredients I need for my French Laundry recipes.
2 cookbooks arriving tomorrow!
1.09.2010
soa
How can it be possible to say something without sounding trite? If you add up all the conversations since man began to speak, supposedly through a mutation in the Foxp3 gene (I hope I picked the right one...), nothing is original.
Even in cooking, in every cookbook I've seen, the meals are just a reimagining of some previous concoction. The right combination of food items had already been perfected- now chefs are merely purifying or intensifying flavors. Is that the reason why ingredients from multiple ethnic regions haven't mixed together?
Maybe that's why interracial couples are still at a minimum (even though some people predict we will all be some brownish racial color in due time). We just don't blend together well.
Getting tired again. Going to transiently fill the void with food.
Even in cooking, in every cookbook I've seen, the meals are just a reimagining of some previous concoction. The right combination of food items had already been perfected- now chefs are merely purifying or intensifying flavors. Is that the reason why ingredients from multiple ethnic regions haven't mixed together?
Maybe that's why interracial couples are still at a minimum (even though some people predict we will all be some brownish racial color in due time). We just don't blend together well.
Getting tired again. Going to transiently fill the void with food.
jimador
Went out with my lab mates last night.
Drank beers, mimosas. Had a shot of tequila. Ugh SO BAD, even though it tasted SO GOOD.
Came back home, saw 2 rejection letters and a check for $50. Didn't care.
Headache, drunk sexting, dehydrated.
Woke up. Sinuses were cleared. Then the negative thoughts wash over me again.
Alcohol: not a good solution.
Drank beers, mimosas. Had a shot of tequila. Ugh SO BAD, even though it tasted SO GOOD.
Came back home, saw 2 rejection letters and a check for $50. Didn't care.
Headache, drunk sexting, dehydrated.
Woke up. Sinuses were cleared. Then the negative thoughts wash over me again.
Alcohol: not a good solution.
1.08.2010
bloodlust
I'm giving away my blood, via donation.
It can serve a good cause, since I have no use for it.
It can serve a good cause, since I have no use for it.
1.07.2010
dry as ice
New food tactic tonight: eating an entire pint of ice cream. Pomegranate-blueberry. Mmm.
The world is my playground.
Just because things aren't easy doesn't mean they should be that hard.
Guilty pleasure: Barenaked Ladies' Stunt album.
Tired. Woke up for Grand Rounds. Sleep > knowledge.
The world is my playground.
Just because things aren't easy doesn't mean they should be that hard.
Guilty pleasure: Barenaked Ladies' Stunt album.
Tired. Woke up for Grand Rounds. Sleep > knowledge.
1.06.2010
brut
Yoshi: I have lost ALL faith in everybody/thing!
Jalto: It's a new year with infinite possibility for disappointment.
Even Nants tried last night. Praying. Gross.
Ohhh, I shouldn't have had those 2 footlongs from Subway last night. Maybe I should have had more- I'm starving in lab right now.
The general starvation. Caloric restriction to live a longer life, so overrated.
Too tired to write right now. And I think my cells died in the thawing process. Ergh.
Jalto: It's a new year with infinite possibility for disappointment.
Even Nants tried last night. Praying. Gross.
Ohhh, I shouldn't have had those 2 footlongs from Subway last night. Maybe I should have had more- I'm starving in lab right now.
The general starvation. Caloric restriction to live a longer life, so overrated.
Too tired to write right now. And I think my cells died in the thawing process. Ergh.
1.05.2010
silhouette
Nothing is happening.
The wave of disappointment flows in and out every day.
Feeling mortality has never been so clear.
Perhaps it's time to retreat and disappear for a while. People's empty words cannot fill this empty hole.
How is it possible for someone, who never had any to begin with, to lose faith?
Hope does not exist without the willpower to back it up.
Fading.
The wave of disappointment flows in and out every day.
Feeling mortality has never been so clear.
Perhaps it's time to retreat and disappear for a while. People's empty words cannot fill this empty hole.
How is it possible for someone, who never had any to begin with, to lose faith?
Hope does not exist without the willpower to back it up.
Fading.
1.04.2010
afterglow
Why do I feel such strong emotion from time to time?
That's so unlike me...
Ugh, how does Drab know that I'm in the depths of despair. I don't want him to know the inner workings of my convoluted mind.
Getting over my cold little by little.
My relationship with Yams is like a see-saw.
Once again I have to deal with crazy landlords. Only this time, he's running from the cops.
That's so unlike me...
Ugh, how does Drab know that I'm in the depths of despair. I don't want him to know the inner workings of my convoluted mind.
Getting over my cold little by little.
My relationship with Yams is like a see-saw.
Once again I have to deal with crazy landlords. Only this time, he's running from the cops.
1.03.2010
tick tock
I appreciate the e-mail updates from Lizbian, even though they're not too detailed or long.
I wish I had found the time to respond sooner. I didn't want it to appear as if I were ignoring her message.
Anyways, I'm hungry. Off to look for food!
I wish I had found the time to respond sooner. I didn't want it to appear as if I were ignoring her message.
Anyways, I'm hungry. Off to look for food!
chop chop
When it comes to offering support, it's easily handed out.
When it comes to asking for it, it's much harder.
Selfishness kicks in, and you realize just what happens when you put others before yourself.
When it comes to asking for it, it's much harder.
Selfishness kicks in, and you realize just what happens when you put others before yourself.
1.02.2010
girl on girl
Amy Adams as a person intrigues me, even though her character in Julie and Julia was beyond annoying.
She was more appealing as Amelia Earhart in Night at the Museum.
She was more appealing as Amelia Earhart in Night at the Museum.
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