chvostek

It feels like the right time to purge.

Every past misconception, every minute trace of feeling for people.

I'm not exactly sure about why I became hung up on particular beings, but it feels ridiculous to keep lingering.

What am I confident about?

That she will not be found in Chicago. My gut feeling is that I'm going to be somewhere outside the U.S., overlooking a quiet, serene body of water. And then when I turn right, there will be somebody else staring into the vast emptiness. She will be the one.

respiratory failure

Remember back in the day when it was insulting to still look like a high-schooler in college?

It's past college now, add a few years, and then you have me, older than most of the medical school matriculants in my class.

The hairstylist today thought I looked 22. Now, I take that as a compliment whenever I can get it.

Oh, the vanity.

marathons & bombs

As soon as I started driving my car out of the garage, NPR played a snippet about a bombing that happened in Boston.

...What?

Once that played, they went onto another story, so I had to wait for minutes until they returned to that segment. All I could recall was this feeling that dummyhead Ryan Gordito was running the marathon.

They were airing the news again, talking about how the bombs went off sometime after 3 hours. He probably finished the race by then. But was he lingering around? He's kind of a dummy, but he's likely not dumb enough to sit and wait for other runners to finish.

I actually hesitated on whether or not I should text him to find out if he was okay. I put in my usual text of nonchalance, then left it sitting in my phone as a draft. "Did you die from the explosions?" Yup, that's me. Harsh.

15 minutes was how long I waited before sending that message. "No I'm good," was the response, except he didn't even know who was asking. He eventually guessed me because of the area code and the lack of remorse.

It's strange to be concerned about a being as selfish as he is. Didn't really feel like thinking about him, or the possibilities of him being caught in one of the explosions.

It probably bugs me that I care a tiny ounce about someone so arrogant, vain, selfish, etc.

Gross.

avenue Qpid

I had this mild moment of insanity where I believed that I needed religion in my life.

I get more page visits on my online dating profile than I do on my blog currently. Should I be flattered or insulted? I was telling a pal that I really don't need a boost in confidence from being rated highly on those sites, but the validation is quite nice when once hasn't cared too much about attracting a member of the desired sex in a long time.

broken record

Had this feeling that my days kept replaying like deja vu. It seems like the movie, Groundhog Day, except nothing changes each time, and nothing is improving.

Something that's been on my mind for a while is wondering whether I will ever become close friends with my 7 classmates in the MD/PhD program. There's potential, but will it ever be possible for them to be in that small group of friends whom I travel with through life, no matter where we all walk off to?

circle of life

Remember when I was fostering a bunny for about 2-3 weeks before spring break?

I had a learning community dinner the week after spring break, and I ordered papperdelle. With rabbit ragout. I'm a monster, yes I know.

In other news, I have a new studying schedule for USMLE Step 1, one that won't require me to cram during those golden 6 weeks before the actual test date. Basically I am using Anki to do spaced repetition and recall in order to retain all the information I've learned from Med school for the long term.

More to come. Hopefully I will try to blog more again to keep people in the know about what's going on with my life. I only blogged 12 times last year, an all-time low for me since college. I wonder if it was an all-time low in life as well...

holland lop

03.06.13
1.) Did laundry so that I can hold off until after Finals to wash my clothes
2.) Ate healthy meals/snacks, went grocery shopping, exercised (strength training)
3.) Did some practice exam questions and worked on review for classmates

Walnut waldorf

MOAR personal wellness!

02.26.13
1.) Ate a health tuna salad sandwich for lunch
2.) Did strength-training & cardio exercises
3.) Ate a healthy dinner consisting of baked chicken with kale and broccoli

02.27.13
1.) Had a healthy tuna salad sandwich consisting of avocado, greek yogurt, olive oil, parmesan, red onion, <1 bread="" cheese="" fat="" low="" mayo="" of="" on="" p="" spoon="" toasted="" tomatos="" wasabi="" wheat="">2.) Did stretching exercises
3.) Played with rabbit before going to bed

02.28.13
1.) Attended lab session and learned a lot from it!
2.) Did strength-training & cardio exercises
3.) Watched tv shows for relaxation during the week

03.01.13
1.) Slept for 8 hours the night before
2.) Attended LP, was able to perform ROS on all the patients seen today
3.) Ate a health dinner: baked chicken w/ kale, broccoli, ginger, garlic, olive oil, & herb seasoning

03.02.13
1.) Maxed out strength-training & cardio for the weekend
2.) Played with bunny rabbit
3.) Ate a healthy dinner of chicken again w/ kale and broccoli, garlic, ginger, olive oil

03.03.13
1.) Took a day off to recuperate muscles, did stretching exercises to improve flexibility
2.) Studied somewhat for the quiz, but did not compromise on sleep
3.) Ate a sweet potato for dessert

03.04.13
1.) Ate a sweet potato, cottage cheese, and chocolate milk post workout for muscles
2.) Exercised cardio & strength-training (6 sets now)
3.) Ate a healthy baked chicken, broccoli, kale dinner

03.05.13
1.) Ate a handful of walnuts for my midday snack
2.) Filled in all evaluations for LG instructor, classmates, block, along with Health Coaching form
3.) Treated myself to Wendy's for eating well during the entire week

Dame Maggie Smith

Wellness

02.20.13
1.) Ate breakfast
2.) Prepared healthy meals for lunch and dinner
3.) Finalized PI for the summer, started planning before summer's arrival

02.21.13
1.) Ate a healthy lunch and dinner
2.) Exercised tonight: 100 pushups, 100 situps, 5 holds on pbars and handstands
3.) Rescheduled visit w/ bunny lady for foster rabbit to arrive

02.22.13
1.) Only missed 1 question on the TBL- helped members to get better scores
2.) Ate lunch w/ classmates- socialized a bit during my day
3.) Ate a healthy lunch and dinner (kale, broccoli, baked chicken)

02.23.13
1.) Woke up around 10 AM- trying to get enough sleep on the weekends
2.) Ate a health tuna avocado salad sandwich for lunch
3.) Ate a healthy dinner of kale, broccoli, chicken, w/ garlic, star anise; exercised at night

02.24.13
1.) Ate my leftover chicken from Saturday to save on expenses
2.) Took a break from exercising for my body to recover
3.) Studied until 5 AM to be prepared for the test as well as LG

02.25.13
1.) Presented to my LG group basic science concepts pertaining to Parkinson's Disease
2.) Worked on my creative side by planning my piece for the art show next week
3.) Rewarded myself for being so health w/ Wendy's

Brain Hax

Brain Hax #1

Stuff I read from blogs that offer help on learning more & better:

1.) expose myself to confusing material (meaning threat: to find meaning somewhere)
2.) withhold answers from myself (for productive failure: generating ideas about nature of problems and potential solutions)
3.) test myself before learning (fertile ground: helping learn info better once I encounter it)

Wellness Pt 1

I've decided to move my wellness journal into Blogger so that I don't have to see it in gmail anymore.
The wellness journal is a part of med school's idea to find 3 things that we did well each day and to explain why.
The supposed purpose of the journal is to prevent burnout... I think? It was not explained too clearly during our longitudinal group sessions.

01.14.13

1.) Finished all of Monday's lectures on time

  Not falling behind on material

2.) Ate healthy today (salmon, cereal, milk)

  Good for my health, lose fat, get essential nutrients

3.) Responded to most urgent emails

  More prompt w/ my responses

01.15.13

1.) Got a haircut

  To look professional for LP

2.) Took care of grocery shopping for healthy foods

  To start trying the paleolithic diet & see if I feel better from it

3.) Random act of kindness: buy quinoa for friend

  Important to let people know you listen to them

01.16.13

1.) Finished errands related to EC activities (signatures, letters)

  Able to send out official letters to invite people to the retreat

2.) Scheduled meeting for summer EC program

  Wanted to do an activity outside of studying that was meaningful

3.) Ate a sweet potato

  For health benefits

01.17.13

1.) Prepared well for my FOSCE

  Usually anxious or blunder them before/during/after the fact

2.) Ate less heavy food today

  Could sleep much better, not feel as bad

3.) Prepared notes to fill in for next day's lectures, actually finished 4 of 5 lectures today, even though started around 7 PM

  Know that I can be extremely productive/effective w/ my time

01.18.13

1.) Finished all lectures/e-modules for the week

  I am usually behind on reading material

2.) Drank 3 L of H2O for the day

  I usually never drink the recommended amount of fluids

3.) Ate healthy snacks in the afternoon (carrots w/ hummus)

  Better for my health & GI tract to not eat junk food anymore

01.19.13

1.) Accidentally ate dog food today, which brought amusement to friends

  I did not know that it was meant for dogs

2.) Hiked 6 miles at Hocking Hills w/ friends

  Have not exercised in a while

3.) Cleaned dishes, did laundry

  Took care of cleaning the house after letting things sit for so long

01.20.13

1.) Purchased home gym equipment to start body weight exercises

  A start to adding exercise into my day while the weather is still bad

2.) Shopped at the grocery store for healthy food options

  Continuing the practice of eating well

3.) Studied on a Sunday

  Making my weekends more productive with regards to school work

01.21.13

1.) Finally put on that faucet cover my mom gave me over break

  To prevent the pipe from freezing, bursting, and damaging the house

2.) Packed lunch for tomorrow before going to bed

  So I can wake up later in the morning without having to prepare food

3.) Did some leisure reading before bedtime

  Better to do other activities than always concentrate on med school

01.22.13

1.) Woke up earlier than usual

  Helps me transition into becoming an early bird

2.) Ate breakfast before going to school

  Usually never eat breakfast, even though it kickstarts my metabolism

3.) Ate healthy snacks and lunch all day

  Slowly weaning myself off fast/junk food

01.23.13

1.) Got a lot of studying done during the day

  I tend to procrastinate or have trouble focusing

2.) Prepared a healthy dinner, ate a sweet potato for dessert

  Finding more options of healthy meals to eat so that I don't get bored

3.) Read some leisure books about body weight exercises

  Helps me figure out what beginner regimen to start doing for exercise

01.24.13

1.) Attended a seminar about being a future physician scientist

  Reminds me of possibilities in the future & how to plan for it

2.) Studied productively in a new location besides home

  Changing locations helps reinvigorate the studying mood

3.) Slept more than a few hours the night before the quiz

  I usually do not sleep much before a major exam, but healthier to

01.25.13

1.) I did better on my quiz than in the past

  Boost in confidence, reminder that my current studying method works

2.) Ate a healthy dinner, studied material on the same day after a quiz

  I usually take the day off after a quiz, but I wanted to stay on track

3.) I spent time with friends over lunch at a new restaurant

  Part of my list to try out all the restaurants in Columbus

01.26.13

1.) Slept over 9 hours

  Good for the body/mind to catch up on sleep, to not burn out

2.) Drank at least 12 cups of H2O throughout the day

  Got my adequate fluid intake for the day

3.) Ate salmon for dinner, prepared grocery list for shopping tomorrow

  Being more prepared for the day as well as the day after

01.27.13

1.) Shopped for groceries, healthy options like tuna, chicken

  Persisting with the healthy diet

2.) Studied 5 of 9 modules overdue from last 2 weeks

  Catching up even though I have fallen behind

3.) Did handstand pushups for exercise

  Starting doing the gymnastics exercises from my book

01.28.13

1.) Did 3 handstand pushups, worked on parallel bars

  Increasing the amount of exercise for the day

2.) Finished assignments for Monday

  Task completions are fulfilling

3.) Took out the recycling bin before the morning of pickup

  Pre-empted the bin becoming too full

01.29.13

1.) Slept for 8 hours

  Feeling well-rested after sleeping more than 6 hours

2.) Took the initiative to organize place, topic, time for next LC dinner

  Becoming a more proactive individual

3.) Upgraded to 3 handstand & parallettes, 6 seconds for each hold

  Either becoming stronger, or wanting to exercise more each day

01.30.13

1.) Sent out an email to organize the next learning community dinner

  Following through with my promises

2.) Planned out travel, lodging, food for spring break trip

  Planning for the future way in advance rather than living in moment

3.) Finished notes for lectures this week; can catch up on past lectures

  Turned this day into a productive one

01.31.13

1.) Attended an interest group meeting after a long time

  Got my mind onto something outside of medical school curriculum

2.) Took a break from healthy eating to eat a son of baconator burger

  Acknowledged that moderation is still okay

3.) Exercised: 3 handstand pushups 10s, 3 parallettes 10s, varied

  Keeping consistent with an exercise regimen

02.01.13

1.) Was able to shadow another preceptor (vitals/empanel/ROS/exam)

  Learned more about different endocrine disorders

2.) Ate a healthy dinner (chicken salad w/o mayo, pasta & tomato)

  Back on track to eating well

3.) Went to bed early (midnight)

  Tried to set earlier bedtime (early to rise) for a more productive day

02.02.13

1.) Slept 10 hours

  Extremely well-rested, not feeling as tired throughout the day

2.) Started preparing material for Step 1, read ~ 50 pages

  Initiated my study schedule for Step 1 outside of class material

3.) Exercised more: 5 handstands, 5 holds on pbars (10s per hold)

  Keeping to my exercise schedule, feeling a little fitter

02.03.13

1.) Slept 10 hours

  Resting well at night; trying to figure out ways to fall asleep faster

2.) Did laundry so do not have to the weekend before midterm

  Predicting time needed to study & taking care of errands in advance

3.) Went grocery shopping

  Helped to prepare house with food in advance to focus on studies

02.04.13

1.) Slept 8 hours, redesigned study schedule to cater to healthy habits

  Helped focus work at home to cater to diet & exercise

2.) Added spinach to the tomato sauce in my pasta to make it healthier

  Felt that I was lacking enough vegetables in my diet

3.) I socialized w/ my neighbor about shoes and cervical laminectomy

  Becoming familiar with neighbors & my neighborhood

02.05.13

1.) I started studying lectures on top of anatomy for the midterm

  Usually study them separately, which made the material confusing

2.) I ate a healthy lunch and dinner w/ sweet potato for dessert

  Healthy diets make for healthy minds

3.) Added pushups, situps, and stretching before my exercise regimen

  Wanted to increase flexibility along with strength

02.06.13

1.) Volunteered to pick up the van for driving around interviewees

  Becoming a proactive individual, dependable when in need

2.) E-mailed faculty member for summer rotation, set up appointment

  Planning future in advance, securing a position in the lab

3.) Purchased toys & pellets/hay to prepare for foster rabbit's arrival

  Found a new calling/volunteer activity

02.07.13

1.) Woke up early, started studying material before noon, ate breakfast

  Starting work earlier in the day helps to finish work earlier as well

2.) Attended dinner to meet w/ interviewees

  Being a proactive member of the medical school

3.) Got some studying in after dinner even though full & tired

  Tend to just have a relaxing night after draining conversations

02.08.13

1.) Had an engaging meeting w/ a potential summer rotation PI

  Interests coincided w/ his lab, & hoped I would get along w/ the lab

2.) Walked a long distance to pick up the rental van for interviewees

  Added some cardio exercise to my day

3.) Spent dinner talking to interviewees, getting to know a few

  Socialized w/ people even though I am an introvert

02.09.13

1.) Had breakfast w/ the interviewees, drove 5 back to the hotel

  Started my day early, so that I could get to work early

2.) Exercised more, doing bodyweight exercises

  Continuing my exercise plan, sticking to a routine

3.) Slept early

  Wanting to wake up earlier so that I can start work earlier in the day

02.10.13

1.) Finished studying most neuro material regarding vestibulocochlear

  Catching up on material even though fell behind during the week

2.) Kept in touch w/ an old friend from college by texting

  Good to maintain a close group of friends throughout life

3.) Slept a few hours before the midterm even though I wanted to study

  Sleeping always helps me perform better even though i don't think it

02.11.13

1.) Studied as much as possible for the midterm

  Felt that even though I did not study everything, I studied effectively

2.) Ate a healthy dinner, & then washed all dishes in the sink

  Took care of errands around the house

3.) Performed body-weight exercises (handstands, pbars, cartwheels)

  Resumed exercise after a few days off studying for midterm

02.12.13

1.) Got my team together to write up the final draft of the CHE paper

  Had a task that needed to be finished; was proactive about it

2.) Worked on ideas for organizing the joint retreat this summer

  Even though months away, good to prepare to plan for the worst

3.) Went to bed by 11 PM

  Sleeping earlier and earlier each night, though falling asleep difficult

02.13.13

1.) Slept for 8 hours

  Discovering that some time around 8 hours is ideal for me

2.) Polished the final version of group's CHE draft before submission

  Wanted to turn in a quality piece of work since paper is for a grade

3.) Accepted a Vday dinner date at Whitecastle Burger?!

  I tend to shun holidays- maybe spending it w/ someone would be fun

02.14.13

1.) Ate a healthy breakfast & lunch to make up for dinner

  Wanted to offset the heavy meal I would encounter later in the day

2.) Caught up on most material for this week

  Keeping myself to some studying each day to stay on track

3.) Spent VDay @ Whitecastle w/ somebody else's gf

  Break from healthy food to indulge in chicken rings

02.15.13

1.) Started working on the mental health fellowship

  Troubleshoot any initial issues with continuing the fellowship

2.) Was able to take a Hx and give an oral presentation at LP

  Practiced basic skills of patient interviewing

3.) Did some body-weight exercises after 2 nights of fast food

  Helped me feel better after eating such unhealthy food

02.16.13

1.) Did laundry; ate Irish steel-cut oatmeal for breakfast

  Usually eat cereals, which are healthy but still high in sugar

2.) Sent out e-mails for summer rotation; replied to MD candidate

  Taking care of business

3.) Met w/ friend to find a bike, try an ethnic place, watch movie

  Doing fun things on a Saturday (atypical of me)

02.17.13

1.) E-mailed prof to finalize summer rotation; set up LC dinner

  Following through on commitments

2.) Ate oatmeal w/ honey in the morning

  Eating a healthier alternative for breakfast

3.) Bought art supplies to use for contest

  Keeping with my intentions to do something, following through

02.18.13

1.) Ate breakfast this morning, ate lunch in under 30"

  Keeping consistent w/ morning meal, eating efficiently, saving time

2.) Brought chocolate to LG for classmates

  Feed everybody during the afternoon, get rid of sugar from my house

3.) Submitted my application to Medicine & the Arts

  Ensuring my commitment to finish an art project by a deadline

02.19.13

1.) Vacuumed the house, cleaned the bathroom for rabbit's arrival

  The house has not been cleaned since my parents' visit

2.) Ate cereal for breakfast

  Bought shredded wheat, a healthier option to eat

3.) Sent an email to a PI for my summer research rotation

  Offered plans to get ahead, arranged to follow up on later meetings