woody guthrie

SO LONG ago since I last published.

Med schools are so contradictory when they reject you and then wish for your success in science in medicine. Yeah, like THAT can happen when you don't even let me get in.

Fuckers.

hospitalist

Hmm, I was microwaving Chinese food!

My cousins' lives are so... simple.

Turn 18: start dating.

Graduate from high school: go to college, get a job.

Turn a certain age: get married. Have kids.

Why am I so resistant to this straightforward path?

I put myself through this roller coaster ride of an application process. Also, Janey is very UNHELPFUL in calming others' down/boosting morale.

Maybe it's just the idea of me wanting to move out of the small town in which I grew up, to reach for more. Although, when I went back, things were so... uncomplicated. Exhaustive, but pleasant.

obscura

I have 13 minutes, 58 seconds to blog (microwaving lunch).

Friday: Lab Meeting. PreThanksgiving meal. We had mediterranean food. The meat was a little dry, but it was a nice change from the usual Chinese takeout my Danimals loves sooooo much. I don't get it.

Saturday: Didn't get any work done, went to Borders, considered buying the Nov. 23 issue of the New Yorker, but all the bindings were either bent or roughed up. I decided to wait and get it Monday at the UCSF bookstore.

Told Drab to meet me at the Powell BART since I was going to be at the Borders downtown. I was supposed to be focused on finishing my UCLA/UCSD secondaries, but instead I went to the comics/manga section and started flipping through multiple issues. The origami section also caught my eye.

It turned around 6-ish, so Drab called, and I met him downstairs. His clothes were shitty, but they were surprisingly put together well. Even his hair was cut okay this time. His face looked different, though. Maybe he was more well-rested? Anyhow, as always, it was an awkward train ride with him.

Arrived at Berkeley, grabbed some wine from the store, and met up with Leigh-Ugh and Malice. Leigh-Ugh's always put together so well. And Malice had these glasses with really nice frames. I wouldn't say it were along the lines of sexy librarian- maybe trendy newspaper editor. While Malice and Drab went back to grab maple syrup, I helped Leigh-Ugh in the kitchen with chopping up red onions and coring green apples.

All in all, it was a nice home-cooked dinner. Roasted pork chops & apples, cauliflower mixed with candied ginger and raisins, polenta w/ cheese+scallions, salad w/ balsamic vinaigrette and olive oil, and some gooey undercooked cake. Even the wine wasn't that bad.

Played poker, even though in hindsight that was a bad idea- my family will probably be playing that all day during Thanksgiving. Again, Drab's feet/leg kept grazing against mine- I don't understand how that always happens every time we hang out. There were also times when he would lean in to deal cards, and his face was a mere inch away from mine. He makes me uncomfortable, to say the least. Too bad Clare didn't show up.

BART home. Long silences while walking with Drab, in the train. I actually enjoyed the silence. We should talk less often.

Ooh lunch is ready, I hear the beeps! Blog post: done!

hyponatremia

These secondaries are killing me. Although it's a pretty decent rate: 16 secondaries within one month's time.

And Janey is a ho bag granny. That is all.

Nighty night.

tripoly

Another rejection.

What do I have to look forward to in this career path... a lifetime of rejection.

How much can one person take before giving up?

It hasn't even begun yet.

h8 street

I am soooooo in lurv w/ my lab.

A new edition has joined the cast. I was amused at how women do their care fastidiously right before their picture is taken for a simple ID badge.

My postdoc Billy HOliday is like a taller, smarter, funnier version of Clare.

My other postdoc Daewoo is just a giant teddy bear.

I'll probably rave more about them later.

SO excited about writing my secondaries!

ALS

In retrospect, keeping textbooks as a memento of my past education and forgotten knowledge is a waste of space. I never even look through them anymore. I should have sold them when their value was still high.

Finishing secondaries at a steady pace. Well, at SOME pace for now. Finishing Baylor's since their deadline is closest. Finished 4 schools so far. 12 more to go...

Tick tock tick tock.

I'm missing only ONE piece for a win in the McDonald's Monopoly game. Although I feel sick from eating McD's for the past few days. I still don't get how Morgan Spurlock or whats-his-face threw up his food after only the first day. Wimp. Although I'm hitting my personal limit very soon. Hopefully I win before it all comes hurling out.

Is anything more painful than having three sores on the inside of your upper lip? Well, for me right now, no. It sucks. My lips look like they're having an allergic reaction from a bee sting. Or bad shellfish.

mad man

THANKS Jalto, for translating that for everyone.

Whenever they do that Monopoly game at McDonalds, I just can't resist. They even accidentally gave me a free double cheeseburger!

That is, until I counted the numbers for my typical meal.

Calories: 2340
Protein: 84 g
Fat: 126 g
Carbs: 222 g
Sodium: 3990 mg

This doesn't even include the 2 eggs, 2 sausage, 2 bacon I had for breakfast and the chicken noodle casserole, cauliflower, and carrots I had for lunch.

I feel fat.

thymocyte

I was never one to listen to anybody else tell me how to live my life.

And it certainly isn't beginning anytime soon.

Why does every single person try to tell me what I SHOULD become? Most of the people in my lab see me as a graduate student. Everyone outside of lab never thought that I would consider research as part of my career.

People should know that I don't care how they see me. What's more important is where I see myself headed, and once I go down a certain path, I'm certainly not the type to quit. I may not start a lot of things, but the things I do begin, I see to completion.

Hmm, this was a waste of an entry. I should have been writing my secondaries instead.

lyme

What I need to do in the meantime:

Finish secondaries (in order of due date, or in order of preference?)

Read up on stem cell, development, neuroscience, and chromatin biology (ugh.)

Hone critical reading/nunchuck skillz

Pursue activities outside of lab (i.e., spend less time in lab, and even less time at apartment.)

Start online chatting community revolving around peer-review of scientific articles (kinda wish I retained all my programming knowledge from classes...)

That's a good start, no?

Emotionally drained, and it's only going to get worse with every secondary that involves my autobiography...

winter melon

I feel like such a failure. Relatively speaking.

I'm getting tired of staying late at lab.

The med school application process is starting to annoy me. Well, not the process, more likely the system itself. Fight the power!

Does a faulty system itself contribute to faulty healthcare???

korvkiosks

Janey's going krazy on me. I'm going to call her Krazy Janey from now on, lump her together with Krazy Katie.

Got a free flu shot today, which is now starting to hurt my shoulder. It's also not making me feel so great- I'm actually getting a feverish wave all over.

Fine. MAYBE I should have started 3 secondaries a while ago. AGH bogged down with 10 schools sending me requests for secondaries all at once! Under Pressure!

Life is pleasant at the moment. Debating whether or not I should apply to more schools and bear the burden of having to write more.

Some of the prompts are about as cheesy as the prompts on the MCAT. Adversity, challenges, leadership, teamwork. All I'm hearing/reading is BLAH BLAH BLAH.

telegraph hill

So I'm talking to my labmate Mant about dreams, and her father, a psychologist (psychiatrist?), had one interpretation.

The people I dream about are only a fraction of me. The aspect that I perceive from them in my dream is in actuality only a part of my personality, reflective of some significant event in my life at that time.

Hmm, so what does this mean? With Drab it's usually awkward discomfort (presently his hair is terribly cut), and with Janey and Nants it's fighting and crying. With Danimals, it's "me" yelling at myself for making mistakes. Somehow... I don't believe this analysis.

It would go against everything I stand for if I agree to attend a medical school just because of one person. I think I just need to stop communicating with any/all of my med school friends.

Why do I sense that nobody's life around me is meaningful/rewarding in any sense? Is it because none of us are at the appropriate stage in order to exact change in our community, or is it just the specific professions we've chosen to pursue?

Lab activities are slowing down, which means many things for me. Free time to read my current set of purchased novels, and/or free time to work on secondary applications. Most likely I'll be doing the former, but I would like to have time for extracurricular activities that don't necessarily boost my resume, akin to what Kaiser is doing at the moment (attending concerts, taking drawing classes, exercising). Clare was probably alluding to this sort of thing in the car when he was driving me back to my apartment, but he was saying things in a nagging voice, so my brain shut him out.

My inference, after hanging out with Poorneel and Clare, is that everybody around me, not just my friends, has bad memory. This can be a good or bad thing. If you're one of those types of people who can retell a story several times but generate the same punch at the end, it's great for conversation or small talk at parties. The bad thing you might be getting early onset Alzheimer's or dementia. OH WELL!

fireflies

Dinner w/ Clare and Poorneel last night. The parts of the dinner that I liked most: Poorneel's duck, and the yogurt in my dessert. Wasn't too satisfied with the combinations that they threw together- it's something they could improve upon.

What am I afraid of?

I wonder if I have clinical depressions. I do have weird interests- I don't like the sun, prefer dark/stormy/cloudy/foggy weather, and I more often than not want to stay inside and just watch TV or read. Either that, or I just hate the outside world. Both are a possibility!

In social situations, I tend to hold back more with new people I meet. Self-defense mechanism? Maybe that's why I don't do so well in large settings, a result of me being very picky (as I am with food) with which people to befriend, and me not opening up. Still, I think with the set I have, I've made excellent choices.

Clare was asking me in the car last night about how my family was doing, and I was just going off about how my grandfather's doing better, regaining his weight. Then I get a phone call from my mom, telling me that he was rushed to the hospital. As much as I'm comfortable sharing my personal life with people, I really don't like being the person to bring down the atmosphere. Also, it's unnecessary to burden people with details about other people's families.

The advice I've been getting from everyone about med school (interviews) is to be more assertive, more certain. Hmm, probe on this in the next issue.

Duck: A-. Lamb: B. Salmon: B-. Cardamom yogurt/Mascarpone & Panna Cotta: B+. Everything else: C+.

Currently eating: pickled veggies (cucumber, daikon, carrots).

train tracks

So I had a dream about Danimals' kids last night. My subconscious must want to play with them or something.

Going to Mission Bay Thursday and Friday. Going to be an awesome conference with all the big wigs in the neurogenesis field. Mmm. Hopefully I can sneak Eel Poorn into the seminars. I SUPPOSE I could also drop by and visit Drab since I'm so close by, do a little covert ops, spy on the research being performed in his lab. Crush his spirit, of course, as usual.

BRB!

sundubu

It's been emotionally exhausting having to relive the detailed memories of Ray's death. Of course I have to write about her- she's a strong motivator for what I want to do with my life. I suppose I didn't think that I would be still getting emotional after 3, 4, years.

Talking about friends and family can be so easy and difficult at the same time. It's also weird how in sharing my personal statement with everyone, they know much more about what happened to me during college, but none of them seem to want to ask about it. Maybe it's because they feel the information is too sensitive?

4"

28.

Yesterday, my lab group had planned on having a picnic together at Golden Gate Park, but due to the thunder and rain, the grass was blanketed with water. So instead, we had it at Danimals' condo.

Very modern, very simple. In terms of square footage, the size doesn't compare to the establishments in Los Angeles, but it was enough to be comfortable. OH the dishes people brought: Kalbi (marinated short ribs), udon salad, kongxin cai (my dish), pimm's (gin version) cocktail with fresh fruit, jap chae, dessert. MMMM SO GOOD! Well, I imagined it must have been if my taste buds were not burned off the night before taste-testing a soup recipe from The French Laundry cookbook. Two HUGE bags of groceries resulted in one tinnnnnny container of soup. What a waste of money. I could have spent it more wisely on a sushi platter. Ugh.

What was the most memorable moment there? Playing with Danimals' 3-year-old son. Let's call him... Dannon. Last weekend when I met him at lab, playing on the computer in Danimals' office, he didn't seem so impressive. My Spanish lab mate Bea Arthur and I were the first ones to arrive at his place, so I had the first opportunity to play with his son.

I don't know if it's just Asian babies, but after a few minutes playing with him, I would be sitting in the living room when he'd go out his playroom and into the living room to tell me, "Come," waving his hand in a beckoning motion to come play with him. If it were an adult ordering me like that, I probably would have said in return,"Excuse me???" He would grab my hand (well, a few fingers since his hands are so tiny) and drag me over to his bedroom.

At some point I was just sitting on the couch, and he'd climb up onto the footrest in the middle of the U-pattern couch before jumping onto me. Or he'd fall off from the middle, expecting me to catch him. My Danimals said that he only does that with people he trusts.

I kinda felt bad when we were playing with his toy trains in his parents' bedroom, and Danimals came in to try to play with him, but Dannon would shoo him or push him while saying,"Go away." Yes yes, I know- I'm the protease of parent-child bonds (have to insert science joke since I'm in lab right now).

He has a knack for destructions, running trains into each other, throwing them off the tracks. We traveled from the "mountains" (pillows stacked on top of each other, covered with the white blanket for snow) to the lakes (bathtub, he made a mess with the water all over the floor).

He's a well-mannered kid, saying,"Thank you," whenever I handed him some trains or tracks to build. In the time I spent there, I taught him to cover his mouth while coughing, and to say,"Come please," instead. During the cough lecture I'd also try to warn him about swine flu, but I think that part didn't get through to him.

Around 5 PM, I needed to leave and get stuff done at lab, so I told him that I had to go to work. Know how he responded? He told me,"5 more minutes." So I told that I would stay for ONLY 5 more minutes. Once I had to go, he looked so sad not having a playmate afterward. He would try to tug on my other lab mate's hands to try to get them to play with him, but they also had to leave. Also, when I was putting on my shoes, he attempted to go into the shoe closet to grab his shoes to put on, but his dad told him not to. He sat, looking so down in his dad's lap, mumbling,"Friends."

UGH. Emotions, bad! I hate children!

The night before (Friday night?), I was dead from exhaustion, so yes, whenever that happens, to no surprise, my dreams involve Drab.

This time, I was walking through the airport, having safely arrived from my flight, exhausted, and wanting to go home without having to deal with people. Lo and behold, out of nowhere someone furry jumps me from behind, arms embracing me while I struggle to break free. I turn around to see Drab grinning at me, and uncomfortably placing his cheek against mine, which resulted in me shivering and cringing in disgust. Who else was there? Clare, being of no help with the situation, laughing at me. Jackass.

sytox

It's definitely not healthy when you're waiting for the day your 88-year-old roommate kicks the bucket.

GOD! What the hell is wrong with him?! Wanting me to say hi EVERY single time I come back to the apartment. I don't feel like talking- fuck off!

Also, I am NEVER using any of his kitchen stuff every again. ALL he does is complain about it every single time I use an appliance. Why the hell does the water line need to be filled to the max level every day?! WHY does the drying rack need to be cleared of dishes, when the exact purpose of a drying rack is to let wet plates sit there until they're dry!!!

Needy people, no matter what age they are, piss me off.

un aperitif

My opinion still holds that friends more often disappoint than impress.

sontag

"In your virgin mind, women are like these mythical creatures, like unicorns with breasts. But let me tell you something: that's a myth. Women are just normal people with breasts, and you need to have sex with one so you can see that."

HAHA! I know I shouldn't be laughing, and I know I shouldn't be liking that show, but I am! Ugh!

What the hell?! Why are Plain White T's on Greek?!

dharma

Everybody's pushing me to turn in my app. Particularly the ladies. Aghhhhh, Charlie Brown style. Or did he say argh?

Saw Julie and Julia. Girl drama: boring. Meryl Streep's impersonation of Julia Child: amazing. The food: amazing.

Had El Salvadorean for dinner with Clare. and Drab. Drab's old. Clare put on a little weight. Drab still rubs against my leg during dinner. I still hate him. His PI and my PI are competing for the same grant. Same score. I want to crush Drab, even if his PI has to go down with him.

Ok, so I haven't exactly started writing yet. Gonna look at dharmacon first and see how to BLAST my shRNA for the right target. THEN writing!

nagano

Dream about Hesse and MattPatt: I was stuck lying in the middle of the bed, Hesse on my left, MattPatt on my right. I was laying there, getting my sleep on, when those other two decided to get their sex on. They were TRYING to have sex over me! Not only was it awkward, but I think I felt more appendages than is visible to the public eye.

You ever have sushi that was really good, soft like snow? Imagine the sushi being the cushy pillow, and imagine my head resting comfortably against it while lying on my side. That was my experience tonight.

Today my hands were stained with the blood of mice. I was finally given the chance to do brain dissections on 5 and 21 day old mice. I felt so guilty lopping their heads off, especially after it took so long to hold them down, the many times I let slip their tails from my fingers, the amount of stress I probably caused them before their demise. So interesting to see the line between life and death right in my hands.

While the sacking was a bit challenging, extracting the neural stem cells from the ventricle was much easier- I was able to cut out the right region on the 2nd try.

Time for a change in my life, and therefore my blog. I will be moving to my newer, hopefully upgraded blog over at tumblr. Posts will begin over there on 08/15/09. August 15. I think I'll be either closing this blog down or just removing the entries from public view. Anyhow, this is my early warning.

New beginnings!

ichiraku

For the week: trying out different kinds of Japanese restaurants.

Janey's still calling me at random times in lab, when I always seem to be preoccupied with something else.

Postdoc that came in today: liked her job talk at the end, kinda engrossed by her chin hairs (which she had more of than me) and faint mustache. I knew Indian girls were hairy, but come on!

How does one go about eating a quail egg with their sushi?

lucho

I don't know how my name spreads around campus, but apparently people know me, in addition to my field of expertise.

Tonight- trying to boil ramen inside some watery rice I made the day before. Added bones from spare ribs to see if that adds to the rice while microwaving. Experimenting, now at home!

piwi

Why is it that all the crazies come out early in the morning? I thought they didn't have anything better to do until later in the day.

Bleached a favorite pair of pants during lab. Ugh. It's a shame they weren't black- I could have just applied sharpie to the light spots.

New things learned in lab: cloning (kind of), that I'm not a dummy- it was something wrong with the plasmid, and how to multitask several things at once (culturing bacteria, running maxi/mini kits, running a gel, ICC, passaging cells).

I think I'm reaching my end with my current roommate. Wanting to be friends. Gross! Maybe he should realize that not ALL people want to talk in the morning, and that I shouldn't have to tell him where I go every time I leave the apartment. Sigh, but he's a nice guy in general- I suppose I shouldn't give him such a hard time.

Stem cell conference over at Mission Bay Thursday. Only problem... the possibility of running into Drab there. You know he's going to show up just for the free food. Then again, I do have some questions for him, but that would require talking to him.

luddite

In lab today. Got in around 9 AM.

REALLLLY want to go to the public library though. Fish around for good books to read.

I was considering Magic for Beginners. Should probably expand my reading past cookbooks and neuroscience text huh?

Maxi Kits take SO long. ICC takes SO long. Ugh. Ready to get out of here! Good thing I have food stashes cleverly hidden around the lab.

kanamycin

Essays for med school: begin?

Finally have a free weekend, with food in the fridge- maybe I should pick up some pasta on the way back, since I made shit loads of spaghetti sauce last night. Hmm maybe I can also buy more vegetables so that I'll just keep adding to the sauce so that it'll never run out. At some point mold would be growing though, yeah?

Busy with lab, as usual.

Passing cells today. Seeding a few chamber slides because my postdoc had some issues with the antibody. Testing how long I should wait for proliferation media to have an effect on differentiated cells. Culturing bacteria overnight to do the Mini Kit on them. Culture larger flasks to do Maxi Kits on them as well. Preparing my powerpoint for my presentation on Friday. Learning new lab techniques.

Oy.

loukoumades

This guy waiting at the same bus stop as me had very beautiful, nicely trimmed blonde hair. So I followed him, only because he was coincidentally walking in the same direction towards my apartment. Turns out, he lives right around the corner from me, on the same block. Yes I know I have an unhealthy obsession with blondes.

I got a free cheesecake today! Even though I don't like cheesecake. After lab, I went to Jack in the Box to get my 2 tacos (for $1.49 now?!) and a sourdough jack, but I was waiting 10 minutes while everybody else after me was getting their order. Eventually, the workers there just gave me a slice of cheesecake for free for causing me to wait.

It's been fun with the Spanish rotation student. And she likes menudo too! Another newbie will be joining the lab on Monday. Mmm!

Went to LA over the weekend, hung out with Poorneel. HUGE place. Had fun with his lab mates- very attractive postdocs, but all the grad students there wear more makeup than at other places. Also more bottle blondes- not so attractive.

Also got free money in the mail today! I don't know why!

Will post pictures of grandparents' birthday celebration later. Gotta prepare a lab powerpoint presentation for tomorrow ughhhh.

Probably should return to blogging more than twittering. My readership has also decreased, so now I can resume talking shit about everyone, return to my comfortable niche of cynicism.

New goal in life: to be a better chef than Thomas Keller.

soshite

Walking to the bus stop this morning, and a lady in front of me was doing her early running with her dog. A few minutes after looking at her, she immediately slipped on something and fell on her ass. I guess my mojo's back? Cloud of bad luck is growing around me mmm.

In any case, I asked if she were okay and offered my hand- to help her up, NOT in marriage. Never marriage BLEGH!

Gotta do laundry tonight and the pack before heading to LA. Apparently Poorneel's lab- which I didn't think he'd choose this early in the game- is having a happy hour, which I hope doesn't involve me embarrassing myself. It's a huge lab. 20+ people. Ahhh. But it'll be nice to talk to lab members, ask about UCLA's graduate and medical schools.

Gramma's house is gonna be crowded this weekend. My cousin's family (4) is already taking up the pullout couch and one bed. Although, my other cousin, who usually sleeps in that bed, is coming back from San Diego, and I'll also be there. Oy. Hope I don't have to stay at my brother's place.

Why am I breaking out again?! What's the stressor this time...

Sometimes I feel like petting my PI on the head. Is that weird?

Finished inoculating a culture this morning (the flask is cloudy, Janey!), centrifuged the cells (there's a pellet, Janey!), and emptied the liquid/froze down the cells in the -20 C fridge to isolate/purify plasmids later. I do recall getting a pellet even last time. I wonder what happened?

Anyway, off to Parnassus to learn confocal microscopy! Mmm.

pence

Asking all my friends if they've done plasmid purifications- how is it that everyone's done that technique during college except for me?!

December 29th... a Tuesday... in Alabama. Inconvenient? Somewhat. Clare suggested that I take a few days off work for this shindig, but I only get 10 days off in the year. Advantages: seeing everyone in a big reunion. Disadvantages: seeing everyone for a big union. Maybe I'll just drive over from Texas- that way I'll get to go to Houston first and pick up good food on the way over. Ugh attending a wedding to support 2 friends. This goes against everything I stand for.

Ok, writing my essays tonight. For realz. One a day before I fly off to LA, proofread them over the weekend, and submit it by the end of this month.

My new goal has been to tackle one new restaurant each night before I leave SF possibly. Places I've tried in the past 2 weeks: 2 Indian, 1 Korean, 3+ Chinese, 2 Vietnamese sandwich shops, 1 Donut shop, 1 Taqueria, and 2 more Korean restaurants tonight.

I'll let you know when one place blows my mind. My general feeling for best Vietnamese sandwich shop is most likely the place I frequented along Taradise. $3.25 for one combination banh mi (I usually order 2- 3 on a good/bay day).

There are 3 French places in town I'd like to try- I only hope I don't have to order 5 times as much in order to get full.

sangrecilla

So there's a graduate student visiting from Spain in our lab, she'll be here for about 2 months. I like staring at her lips- maybe it's the lip gloss she puts on them that attracts me, or the fact that they're perfectly proportioned. She's also fun to be around.

Mantis will be in Denmark for 3 weeks. She's also fun to be around. Like that the lab's not just all guys anymore. It also provides unhealthy competition for me.

Hyperventilating every time I log in to the MCAT testing history. Rechecked the score release schedule- my scores were NOT going to be released today.

Janey bugging me about turning in my application. Kaiser bugging me about emailing her my personal statement, and that she'd fire me if this were a job. Aye.

Lab work is picking up! Learning confocal microscopy, immunohistochemistry. Mmm...

I think I enjoy working relationships. Social situation relationships, not so much. Love relationships, definitely not. All work, no play.

Tired. Still getting over my cough. Night.

savory

Ate dinner at KFC. The guy who ordered after me was also named Drab. Drab is too common a name.

Considering shifting my diet into one more Mediterranean, but do I really want to live longer?

Why is it easier to tell a stranger your personal thoughts than friends?

For the first time saw a homeless couple today. The man was trying to empty groceries/garbage into the trash can by the bus stop, but he inserted the bag bottom first, so everything on top spilled onto the ground. He had to reach down and grab the trash with his bare hands, and then push the food into the garbage can. He then walked back across the street to the stoop of the church where he and his significant other stayed. Why am I feeling sorry for another person? Why am I having feelings as of late?

Why is it difficult for me to tell someone I miss them? Who exactly am I missing at the moment?

My lab mates and PI get so excited about some of the results I've been generating. Either I'm not getting the significance of the data, or I'm just so desensitized/mellow that I can't generate a human emotion/reaction to particular events.

I want to... direct my blog topics toward my path into science. But I know that my attention span won't last long enough to concentrate my writing into one specific theme.

cocoberry

Received a message from Klean the other day about wedding invitations. SO weird, and yet SO grossed out at the same time, someone from my graduating class getting married. Of course, Yoshi/the whole world knows already how I feel about marriage/relationships in general.

Rewatched some episodes of SATC yesterday. Why did I ever find whiny women interesting enough to capture my attention for half an hour?

Ahhhh! I've gotten back into the bad habit of impulse shopping. Just purchased a pair of those Vibram shoes which are supposed to mimic real feet, even the toes.

Getting another impulsion to buy a Redline 925 bike.

Had a dream about some of my cousins last night, but can't remember what we were doing. I really must want to see them? Traveling down south next week for my Gramms' birthday. 71 years.

uighur

UGHHHH why am I being such a slacker?!?!

Would it be wrong to wish that my roommate keel over?

Research is picking up again! Mmm.

Ever since work started, I've been getting checks in the mail, some that aren't even related to work! Mmm, money in the bank!

Feeling a little deja vu, maybe I should check my previous posts to be sure I'm not talking about the same thing.

This pretty lady turned her head to the side to cough- she ended up coughing on me right as I passed her. She apologized and then started laughing with her friend.

Would it be weird to stay at Kaiser's place when I visit Houston? I need a place to stay while I do my exit interview, as well as visit old profs... I'm hoping it won't turn into one of those awkward moments that people laugh about if they see it on tv, only I'm hoping it doesn't become like that.

Personal Statement. Start!

... start?

polyposis

Canceling class today.

Any other news to blog about... been sick for the past week, gulping down generic NyQuil to suppress my coughs so that I can get a full night's sleep.

Found out my roommate has cataracts, or he had cataract surgery. It's difficult to comprehend him sometimes.

About to start cooking again. Starting with spaghetti, since I have a case of materials leftover from the old apartment that my mom never made, even though she had planned on it.

Writing my personal statement, other essays, finishing them this week, handing them over to Kaiser for review/revision. Turning them in before the end of this month. HAHA, yeah yeah I've been procrastinating. I blame it on summer school.

28.

Oh right, had another dream about Drab last Thursday. The only thing I remember now is me being alone in a room with him, and him taking off his shirt to make me even more uncomfortable around him. That hobag needs to respond to his emails quicker.

glocke

Do you ever feel like your body is disconnected from your head? I'm having one of those days.

It could be the illness that I have, or the generic NyQuil consumed to get rid of the coughing symptoms.

Finished my Astronomy final tonight. Got back kinda early (9 PM...).

Planning on canceling the rest of my summer classes to focus on my application for MSTP. And possibly retaking the MCAT. Also want to focus on my research.

Still, undecided about fall classes. I'd only be taking 3, they would only be one night per week so it would seem more manageable than one class 4 days per week. Actuarial math, Strategy and War, and Web/Database for Biologists.

Planning a trip back to the ole TX, to get my exit interview over with, meet my old PI and Chinese teacher, and maybe see Kaiser, see how fat she's gotten.

Going to bed early tonight (10:30, 11?). Bon soir.

Oh right, funny experience of the day. Two cars were stopped at the intersection, one behind the other, waiting for the red light to turn green. The adult girl in the car in back yells over to the adult guy in front, "You need to go potty???" The guy abruptly yells back, "NO!"

grandfather paradox

27.

Yes. Another dream about Drab. Don't be surprised.

It was late at night, I was getting ready to go home, and right in front of me is Drab walking towards my direction with a friend of his.

I try to hide my face, looking away, so that he wouldn't be able to recognize me. Once he passed by me, I turned around to make sure he kept walking. He turned around with this large smile/grin on his face.

So I start running, he starts chasing after me, and suddenly it transitions into me fleeing on roller blades, with Drab on his bicycle pedaling after me.

Terrible. Also felt like shit today.

Had dinner at 10, in public, by myself. Interesting scenario. Would elaborate, but I feel like crap, have to take a shower, and knock myself out with NyQuil.

Nighty.

trovarsi

Gay Pride yesterday. Meh. Creepy old men, as usual.

Hung out with Hesse, haven't seen him in a while. Supposedly the last time we saw each other was last year's gay pride.

Didn't run into Carl's Jr. last night. For some reason, Clare and Drab decided to go to the Castro after their concert in Berkeley.

Ate at Squat and Gobble with Hesse and his friends, had a drink there. Tasted more like grapefruit than alcohol. Had a tequila shot at Twin Peaks, then a long island iced tea, sipped other people's drinks throughout the rest of the night. Dancing to heavy bass techno remixes. Oh yeah, and a gay porn shop. Meh.

Sat around the Safeway at Church until Clare and Drab arrived. Clare had a pimple at the end of his nose- stress from his tequila project? Drab had a cold sore on the side of his mouth. We were sitting on a couch at one of his friend's place, I didn't feel like saying anything, and he didn't have anything left to say, so he just made this weird smile at me. Awkward moment. How to deal with this boy, I have no idea. I find myself being exhausted from having to instigate and/or maintain a running conversation with friends. Clare was sitting next to me on the couch, and I try to talk about my work/research/classes/applications since that's all I've been doing as of late but he found it boring. Then I try to think of something else to talk about but get annoyed with the process so I just don't bother to talk and stop the conversation from continuing. Really don't know why I get tired of people so easily. Clare also gave me incorrect facts about the N-owl running by Dolores at the East Portal station. I was standing at the stop for about 20 minutes before some homeless guy with a dog walks by to pick up trash and tells me that the train stopped running, that I would have to go up to Haight to catch the N-Owl.

Also find myself becoming numb to the events going on with friends' lives. Maybe I've stopped caring? Who knows. Or maybe I'm just bored with their lives. Either people are just working, or they're researching. Then my cynical rationalization is that since they're so bored from their careers, they have to start discussing current events or other miscellaneous information that can easily be picked up from surfing the internet. Since it's that easy, it seems unnecessary having to hear that coming out of friend's mouths when I can just directly access the secondary source later. Perhaps this being friendly thing just isn't me, or maybe I'm tired of compromising. A more perplexing concept for me is what exactly can bind friends together if your interests are vastly different. That is, can two people remain as friends if they have nothing in common? I used to think it was a good thing to get to know people with varying personalities, unique things that they can be passionate about. My current opinion about this possibility is leaning towards doubt.

Feeling very out of touch with reality, what with my grandfather, and the confirmation of my aunt's breast cancer. She now has to wait a few months for additional tests before proceeding with the chemotherapy, followed by surgery after the tumor shrinks. There's also the issue of my cousins having to pick up the work now in order to pay for rent, insurance, car payments, college tuition, and their mom's medical expenses.

Today Yama gave me a note with an emergency contact in case anything happens to him. Strange receiving a note like this from a roommate. Weird to be living with a roommate in which imminent death is an issue.

Received a postcard from Rome. Nice to hear what Lizbian's been up to. Also received a postcard from Kaiser. Always surprising having to see what she'll write and which card she'll send. I'm surprised she sends me postcards from wherever she goes. France, Vietnam, Singapore, etc.

Hmm even blogging, trying to express my thoughts is getting exhausting. I'm out.

outré

26.

ANOTHER dream about Drab?!

It was a party that the two of us were at, and I was trying to spend the entire night without having to talk to him. So I would purposefully avoid him or walk to another part of the house if he were in sight.

At some point I had to use the bathroom after having so many beers (yes, more than one, I know, surprising), I was standing there doing my business at the urinal when Drab walks up and uses the one RIGHT NEXT to me.

He was also drunk, and being the sociable drunk that he is, he just keeps TALKING and TALKING to me, asking all these inane questions when all I wanted to do was take a break from the party and have time to myself.

Anyhow...

I think Mantis is going to be joining our lab, although I'm also starting to feel possessive/jealous again. Why do I feel feelings?! I refuse to be human.

The doctor is 90% sure that my aunt has breast cancer. But what stage is it at?

I come back home, my desk is gone, along with over 3/4 of my clothes. My mom's already started packing/moving my stuff to the new apartment without my permission. THIS close, THIS close I tell you. Only 3 more days...

Also another thing I don't understand is why people cried during the movie UP. More details on this in another post.

lycanthropy

Comprehensive list of medical schools: finito. Tired of looking at rankings, research programs. It's getting a bit tedious. I thought I could form some type of classification by looking through the ranks for research, primary care, hospital, and neuro(science), but not many schools are listed across the board. Then I try to pick those that are either on both lists for primary care/research, more favorable if within 5 ranks of each other.

In any case, it's not working. Most of the ones I'm applying to are regarded as "hopeful" based on some online calculator. About 5 are high chances? Who knows.

Job orientation here blows. Even if they've upgraded from cheesy 80s films, the dialogue is STILL corny. What gives?!

Working at the carwash, and my personal statement. Have it churned out by the end of the week? Who knows- I've seen people who submitted on the first day and had it verified at the same time. Maybe if I turn in all my things at the end of July (when I expect my LORs to be turned in), my stuff will be better prepared. AMCAS talk, done.

In other news... did I mention sailing with the lab group?

Clare texted me some day ago, I think Thursday, about going out for drinks with Drab. Obviously a no. My phone was also off because I was tired from taking the MCAT, so I didn't receive any text messages until the next morning.

Anyhow, off to Astronomy class. Why am I taking this class again??? I can't remember... I must be getting old.

Oh yes, other news. I leave my mom alone again for the day, and she breaks my bathroom sink! So now I have to brush my teeth every morning and night in the BATHTUB. Ugh.

besame

My mom was standing with me at the bus stop last week, and she told me that one of my aunts that immigrated over here had a lump on her breast discovered by her doctor. She went to a surgeon this week, who thinks that it may be breast cancer.

The more people you let into your life, the more bad news that you have to accept.

Taking an extended post-MCAT break, thinking about the future now, and I'm glad where I am. Glad that I didn't take my friends' advice on how to live my own life, but also glad to be accepting their advice about schools and locations to consider situating myself in the next few years.

Having these recurring thoughts, which I will suppress. I will NOT go to medical school just to chase after a girl. How ridiculous is that?! That would definitely go against everything I've been preaching all these years. I blame my lab group, them and their children, getting married, talking about life changing after having a family. ARGH!!!!

Job orientations suck. Big waste of time. Have 3 more to go to: 2 on benefits, and 1 that I can't even remember.

molecular gastronomy

Went sailing with my compatriots today. Around the bay again. Didn't go out for too long. Tanned myself though. How's that for unpredictable, Clare?! Going out when it's blindingly bright and unbearably hot!

Had a bunch of finger foods: quiche with ham, vegetarian quiche, these odd croissants also with ham or vegetables, a vegetarian-type pizza/tart, chocolate ganache, raspberry/blueberry/strawberry fruit tarts, and fruit. Everybody kept staring at me while I was eating, especially my Danimals' wife, who said that she likes someone who eats a lot and is surprised that I never get fat.

Due to not drinking for a while, my face turned COMPLETELY red. Just from one cup of mimosa! UGHHHHHH.

Mantis brought her boyfriend along, who I actually approve of. A few grad students of whom I have a non-negative opinion. VERY unpredictable. In your face, Clare!

I like my postdoc's wife, too, mainly because she likes guy stuff: Gundam/robots and the lemmings arcade games. Their baby's really cute, too. He really liked my windbreaker for some reason- he kept grabbing it during the trip and putting his mouth on/drooling all over it.

And THEN I came back to my apartment to find that Lizbian had sent me a postcard. Mmm, nice. Had a headache though, from the alcohol.

My mom's only staying for one more week! YES!

I finally get to writing on my 3 essays for the AMCAS. Considering retaking the MCAT... I know I can break a 40.

Very excited about moving on with my life now. Excited about taking on new projects, learning new lab techniques, taking classes for fun (instead of boosting my gpa/proving I can handle a tough science load, i.e., first 2 years of medical school), getting paid to do something I enjoy, finally having enough time to cook/dance.

Of course these "feelings" may just be my neurohormones being affected by the Chinese music I'm currently playing.

Thales

It's funny how my Danimals tugs on his hair whenever he's stressed out. His hair, since it's filled w/ gel, will flip up and stay up. I don't think he notices.

Test tonight. MCAT Thursday.

I find myself switching back and forth, between being okay w/ friends in the Bay Area to disliking or just not caring at all. That's usually associated with liking people in the South or the East Coast moreso. Maybe I've just gotten tired of trying to be friendly?

Janey's right, I'm not even going to deny it- taking on too many things right now. Every time I come back from night class, I'm just exhausted. Too exhausted to study, too exhausted to think about lab, too exhausted to deal with my future. The problem with my preference for living in the moment is that success in any future career requires planned preparation for tomorrow.

Hmm, maybe I'll be less burdened this weekend. Going to go sailing with my lab mates again. Mmm, I hope they have alcohol again. Maybe that's what I need right now: booze.

kepler

Finalized my list. Was only going to apply to 10-12, but Janey recommended more. So my final list is 16, even though I have a top 10 list. Not going to settle! As Clare would put it? Yes, yes, I think this conversation was with Clare.

Why does everybody keep telling me I'm going to do fine?

Finally requested last LOR, from my Danimals. I hope 3 letters plus the committee letter will form a good opinion about me? All but the committee letter are from people I've known for more than 4 years, except for Dante.

Maybe I'll post my personal statement on my blog once I'm finished with it. I've been writing it on the bus every morning. I have 12 topics that I could possibly use; if I used all of them, it would form a really cohesive story. Unfortunately, I'm only allowed 5300 characters. Blah.

Astronomy, still amazing. Homework seems useless, but the guy always has interesting stories, and everyday he comes in wearing a shirt with the solar system on it, or constellations. Hilarious black fellow.

Yesterday we talked about one of the early astronomers... Tycho Brahe! Really funny hearing about how back in the day, mathematicians would get into heated arguments, to the point where they would duel with swords over who was right. Tycho Brahe ended up losing his nose- the duel was held at night in black shadow- and attached a gold one to replace it. Sadly, he died from the mercury poisoning, along with his exploding bladder. Someone confirm this.

red giant

Astronomy class tonight: better than I expected! Interesting class, that won't be so challenging.

Too much stress. Janey/Nants pushing me on my AMCAS, intolerable mother nagging and asking so many questions, 2 weeks left to study for the MCAT.

The end result: my left occipital lymph node is swollen, so I have an infection running around somewhere in my body. AND the high stress has lowered my immune system so that I have zits all over my face, one inside my left ear. How am I supposed to take a photo to turn in to TMDSAS now?!

They're the hammer. I'm no nail!

Off to studying. or sleep.

redline

I was digging through my word documents, trying to find an old letter I had composed for my 30-days notice to discontinue my lease and vacate the premises. Once I opened the "APT" folder, I saw credit reports and two other letters: letter 4b and letter 5. Upon opening these files, I instantly noticed who they belonged to: Janey. From the summer of her breakup with her Dan. I instantly laughed at the thought of still having these on my laptop, and then instantly laughed at the content.

What would bug me the most was if people asked me for relationship advice, or rejected it if I offered my rational judgment, under the notion that I understood less than them because I was never in a relationship that included sex. Or they would tell me that I wouldn't "understand" the problems that go on between two people that connect below the belt.

Took a practice MCAT today: test 3? Off the e-mcat site. Physical Sciences, Biological Sciences, not so bad considering the paragraphs aren't as intensive as those 1001 questions. Thank god. Had over half an hour to spare in those sections, so I guess I could slow down to think over some questions more carefully. The verbal on the other hand, can't really skip through those passages like the other 2 sections. Still, the test seems more manageable now that there's less questions assigned to each section. Aiming for a raw score of... > 135.

Finalized CV, filling out work/activities a few hours later today, then filling out my personal statement. I think I'm just going to submit a draft to the people writing my letters of recommendation, or the unabridged version.

Under so much stress: breaking out in acne all over my face. The most painful one is in my left ear. Jesus, there's simply no way to wedge two fingers in there in order to pop the pus out.

Back to physics. Waves. Hmph. I loathe Electricity/Magnetism.

Even though my mom's cooking a lot of great food, I really could go for some junk food. Specifically potato chips- oh how I miss them...

Started eyeing the Redline 925 Commuter bike- NOOOOOOOO, I refuse to assimilate into the devil cult that is hipsterhood!

hochzeit

Going to only take 2 classes this summer, since the third one conflicts with the schedule of another. Also taking two classes that won't overlap, so I can just semi-focus on one while applying to med school. Astronomy, and Health/Social Justice.

Taking an actuarial math class in the fall, hopefully. Supposedly being a mathematician is the best job out of college? Anyways, I'm taking Poorneel's advice and having multiple backups planned, for less-than-ideal scenarios that I wouldn't mind pursuing. Also on the list of backups: culinary school, marry a rich Jew, optimally those who don't run Ponzi schemes.

Signing the rest of my paperwork. Going to be financially independent soon enough. Barely a little more than what a grad student stipend gets.

Still, I'll be saving more money now that I'm moving into a new apartment in July! Only $650 per month, which includes all utilities, and tv/cable. Not too shabby. All I need to do now is switch over my internet to his place. AND change my address with the post office, banks, applications, licenses. Ohhhhh. And my new roommate? An 88-year-old Japanese man who watches golf and enjoys Smirnoff vodka and Jack Daniels Whiskey.

Need a quick solution to learning Japernese. Anybody, anybody?

Going to study some physics/chemistry/organic tonight, fill out the activities/work portion of my application. Think I should just lump posters/conferences attended into one section, so that I have room to add other stuff.

They offer hip hop dance classes at Mission Bay as well!

Oh right. Dream last night. Sex dream about Kaiser. Weird. Just standing, the two of us. She then approaches me with this dirty grin on her face, and her hands move out of my field of vision, below the belt, and begins fondling my reproductive glands. Nads and more. That would be a funny name for a store.

americana

Finished all 4004 Examkrackers Practice Problems. Now to review the ones that I missed and/or were confusing...

Ordered my 3rd transcript from my current school. All 3 transcripts are on their way.

Made an 11 on the practice verbal. Going to try to push it up 1-2 points in 15 days. Aiya.

Nothing much to do for MCAT science sections besides review material and the problems I missed. Want a 14-15 for BS, 13-14 for PS. Doable? Hmm...

Next up on the agenda, which shouldn't take too long: high school paragraph, updated CV. And the personal statement...
----- Forgot how old this text was, didn't publish for a while-----

Update: finished high school paragraph, CV..., and starting the PS tonight. I think I'm just going to write a 2-3 page essay, and start paring down from there. AHHH!!!

MCAT, not ready. AHHH!!!

neoteny

So everyone knows how I like to think in my head a lot. I imagine unrealistic scenarios that amuse me.

What I didn't know was that I would be laughing randomly like a crazy person if any other person were in the room watching me. I was just typing away at my laptop as usual, and my mom goes in and asks,"What are you laughing at?!"

Boogie woogie bugle boy of company B. Oldie, from the 50s.

Target score: 41. Ideally? 14-13-14. S. Ugh. Too much pressure- I thought I had finally learned how to channel that stress into productivity. Bah humbug.

Under extreme stress; it feels like love filling up inside, ready to explode myself into bits of flesh. Hmm, my mind tends to associate love with stress. That could explain a lot of things...

Usually back in the day, you'd think that having some interest in the subject matter would get you into a class. I've been looking into math classes I want to take (still), and game theory looked really interesting, except it would conflict with my work hours. So there was this other class with times "to be arranged," whatever that means. So I'm hoping that it'll be a night class. I emailed the professor, only to get a reply back today asking me to look at some google document of an test prep for the first weed out exam. Talk about in-your-face natural selection.

puccini

Gather 3 premeds around to talk about medical school applications = recipe for disaster.

Eventually one person gets tired of talking about it, one person overanalyzes things, and the third one embraces the shame of getting diarrhea from dairy foods.

Ugh, why did I have to miss maker faire?!

Tomorrow: must start writing personal statement, send in CV and high school summary to office. What the hell did I do back in high school?!

Getting a CA license on Tuesday. Old one expired, and I'll probably need this one to work in Cali, as well have a photo ID that's not expired when I show them to security officers. "Yes, I know it's expired- I ordered another TX license. It's going to be sent by mail within 60 days, they said..."

I am THIS close to punching my mom in the face. Her time has come. She needs to leave SF NOW, but leave the food.

slipstick

25.

Hmm, so I've made up my list of medical schools that I'll be applying to. Thought that I would be applying to more schools in the lower rungs of rankings, but there's definitely more of a leftward skew. I might have to narrow more schools down- stuck at 19 right now. Definitely want to be accepted somewhere, but it should be somewhere that I want to go. Worst case scenario would be- well, worst case would be not getting in anywhere. 2nd worst case scenario then: getting into a place that I had no intention of attending, only that I applied because it was a safety school.

--medical school rant, done--

--new rant/complaint, being--

Another dream about Drab?! The month isn't even over yet! Ugh...

There I was, willing to attend a random party in San Francisco for some insane reason. Very bored for the most part, so I sifted through the crowd, wandering to find the exit. Out of nowhere comes an extremely drunk Drab, smile as wide as his face, stumbling towards my direction. I closed my eyes, hoping that if I couldn't see anybody, then Drab wouldn't be able to see me. Once I reopened my eyes he was inches away from my face, reeking of booze. Once we made eye contact, he instantly planted his forehead against mine, close enough to the point where our noses touched. He was slurring all his words, telling me about how he read in one of my blog posts about a me having a dream recently about him, involving an intimately unpleasant moment. At this uncomfortable distance, he squeezed his eyes closed, scrunched his nose, and made this kissing face which made the moment even more awkward than when it started. I couldn't handle his drunk ass anymore, so I just started screaming right there in the middle of the crowd, our foreheads/noses still touching for some insane reason.

I think my subconscious is going haywire. Solution? Shut it up with my level-headed, rational awake state.

"You think this is hard? I'm living with hepatitis, that's hard!"
"You think this is hard? Try being waterboarded, that's hard!"

My new woman crush = Jane Lynch. She might even sing in one of the episodes!

agglutination

Something pretentious about people/places/things starting titles off with "the," and having to include "the" in all formal documentation.

Ordered transcripts after getting yelled at by Janey to get on the ball.

$5 for Rice. $10 for UT-Austin?! For just one class?! What a ripoff. And then $15 for my current institution. Ugh.

A-, B+. I suppose I could have done better in those two classes. Hrm. Still, my science GPA's a lot higher than I had predicted. Not competitive, but within the mean I suppose. The overall GPA is another story. Ugh.

Got 3 people solidified to do my letters of recommendation, including the health advising office. Waiting on my Chinese teacher to respond, and I'm being told to ask another science prof for a letter. Ugh.

The R01's finally over and done with- don't have to look at it/proofread ANY more typos! Plus, applied online for the job position in my lab. Hopefully someone better doesn't come along? Now I have time to work on my 3 AMCAS essays. Ugh.

Learned more about my mom tonight. She actually performed surgeries back in the day- thyroid, stomach, gallbladder, heart. Furthermore, she attended the 3rd best medical school in China. Hmm, if only I could get into a top 10 med school... Ugh.

Nightz.

hashashin

Hmm, I think it'll be best if I started exercising.

OH, and I will finally be able to attend the beginner's hip hop dance classes on Sunday. Mmm!

Sent out one request for a letter of recommendation; going to send out another tonight once I get back on my Mac, since the stupid computers at the VA don't have Chinese script!

Until my mom arrives, I've stalled on cooking anything in my kitchen, so basically I pretty much order take-out every night. Tennessee Grill was SO GOOD, OMG. About 5-6 slices of bread, with butter slices included, a side of steamed vegetables, mashed potatoes, 2 cups of gravy, and breaded/fried veal steak. AND a side of minestrone, all for $9! My only concern was that going through my last sliver of veal, I pushed my fork down on the piece of meat, only to find bloody juices flowing out of it. Are pan-fried steaks supposed to be bloody still?

Janey: the only people I'll currently admit to loving is my LAB. Don't worry, I'll soon fall out of that once I leave them.

Dios mio, I haven't been blogging the minimum 30 posts per month. Expect more. Mandy Moore.

sanshou

Why did I put off MCAT practice problems?! It's going to be painful finishing 1600 of them by the end of this week...

Going to do volunteer training for the Emergency Department on Tuesday, then start volunteering on my own. Not sure how I'm going to be able to commit to 6 months with interviews coming up, and night classes. Argh.

Finished reading Drab's qualifier proposal. Treated it as an RO1 grant application. Didn't like it. Not enough junk in the trunk.

Was waiting at Banhwich yesterday, and they were airing Hannah Montana on their TV set. Is it weird for me to be slightly attracted to Miley Cyrus? Maybe in another lifetime I would have been that 25 year old model whats-his-face who's dating her right now. She would have been more attractive if I didn't have to see her hideous malformations of blindingly overbleached white teeth.

So I have this bottle of blueberry-cranberry juice that's been sitting in my fridge for almost 1 (1+?) years, with no mold on the surface. Would it still be safe to drink?

Also been torturous having to finish the odd candies that I've stocked up in lab from 6 months ago. Ugh how can people like chocolate/sweets.

Thought I was going to be by myself in lab, filling out my AMCAS, working on MCAT, but Danimals, Benihana, and Daewoo came in!

Memorial Day.

snickersnee

Danimals' birthday was on Saturday. We got him a model boat set, since he has this weird fascination with boats.

Had an interesting/chaotic chat w/ Janey today. Talking about our moles infesting our skin, future lives as doctor &/or researchers, her first telling me that I'm obsessed w/ Kaiser, then trying to tell me that I'm in love w/ Drab. HAH!

Hmm, good thing I talked w/ Janey today. I started looking over the forms I have to fill out right now, even though finals ended two days ago, and I could have sent out two simples forms to open my file already! AHHH! Yeah... well, I already knew I was behind in the game. No need to freak out now. Clutch!

New obsessions: guns, close quarter combat, knives/swords, violence, movies involving all four.

Going to read Hans Christian Anderson, or East of Eden.

ouroboros

I had to drop off the projector adapter (for the Mac), so I stopped by Drab's lab (again...) Friday night, with a bag of various ramen goodies and a box of Quaker oatmeal squares- I know he doesn't buy good ramen nor good cereal.

Once I arrived there, he was busily typing away at the computer, hairy messy, sending out his draft qualifier proposal for initial review.

What bugged me was first walking into the lab, where every lab member with a direct line of sight to the entrance turned their heads to look at me. Even with a meager attempt to smile, wave, and be friendly, they all just turn right back to their work. Whatever.

Another oddity was that the tall brunette rotation student periodically stared at me while Drab and I were having a conversation. Eventually Drab asked me out to dinner, and I reluctantly agreed to Japanese food.

Not only are we studying pretty much the same area, same field of research, but so many other things seem to be coinciding. Both of us buying Japanese jeans, both of us getting into baseball. I started getting interested after watching a random baseball anime, and my lab wanted to do a group outing to a Giants game, but Drab's lab group ALSO wants to organize a field trip to AT&T Park as well. And THEN he was planning on going to a hipster dance club, which probably played the few genres of hipster music I don't mind listening to, except I didn't go because I still had a paper final to finish. Conversation just flowed. Ugh. I can't be enjoying spending time with Drab. That would mean not hating him anymore. I refuse. At some points the restaurant would just get considerably loud, and Drab's low voice often blended in with the noise, so whenever we were talking about politics (one of my least favorite conversation topics) and I couldn't hear him or read his lips, I would just stare at him and nod as if I took in everything he said. And yet again his feet brushed against mine...

The food was okay- Drab ended up paying for part of my meal because we just threw our cards down on the check, and the waitress must have just split the bill evenly in half. The tofu appetizer: used medium tofu (I would have preferred silken), soaked in a weak soy sauce and sprinkled with scallions. Ordered 5 different rolls, all much too tiny, much too unsavory to be worth $25, save for one set- must have been the yellowtail. So fatty, mmm...

Surprisingly, after taking the T line back to Embarcadero, I was waiting for the L line to take me back home. Once I got into the train and sat down, there was this figure standing right in front of me, so I decided to raise my head up only to find my friend/LRC coworker/archi Mary Juana. She's been in SF for a year and I didn't know about it. Jeez. Anyhow, we caught up for as long as she was riding on the train (so, to Castro), and we're supposed to be hanging sometime in the next month before she returns to Rice to finish her degree.

Also dreamed about lab again Friday night. Something about broccoli being stuck near the gum of my top front teeth, but nobody would tell me about it.

Should go to sleep, now that I have the time. Still need to mutilate Drab's qualifier proposal though.

stagiere

Had another dream about lab last night.

Only slept 12 hours in the past 5 days. Not in the mood for talking much- mind is on the fritz. No, not Liz.

Highlights of the week? Fried chicken. Cole Slaw.

One more paper. Waking up at 5:30. Ta-ta.

idaho potato

24.

Hmm, didn't study as much as I'd hoped for the plant bio exam today, but I seem to have gotten more right than wrong, for the ones that I were unsure of. Assuming he's going to be lenient on the grading for the paper, I should be set for an A?

2 down. 3 to go. Paper, final, paper.

Because I had made the mistake of studying under warm sheets last night, I barely got past the first page of my notes before falling asleep. You can guess what happened.

Peace (of mind) doesn't last very long. After a very long and serene hiatus, I awoke gasping, hyperventilating heavily having realized that once again Drab has invaded my dreams. UGHHHHH!

What was it this time?! We were sitting next to each other in a booth for dinner, across from two other people who decided to leave early. Unfortunately, that left the two of us alone. I suppose one good thing was that he didn't do his thing with touching my foot/knee/leg under the table. We were talking for a little bit longer when he just suddenly stopped. All he did from then on was look at me. He just kept staring and moving closer, like in those horror movies where the camera just keeps panning ever so slowly towards a person's face, with a creepy stringed instrument playing louder and louder in the background. Even my nervous laughter didn't help in keeping his distance from me. So the only thing left for me to do was panic and force myself to wake up, back to my conscious, rational, cold and unemotional reality.

Tired. Time to write paper. Ciao.

cryptorchidism

Yes! I'm not a failure! I think I'm just happy I was able to pull off missing only 1 problem on the final exam. Hmm, now think, if I studied this hard for all my other exams throughout the year... I probably could have made an A instead of an A-. Sigh. Then again, I skipped that class all the time. Terrible lecturer, speaking to the class as if we were babies.

Now to try and keep an A in 2 other classes while trying to pull off an A- in a class I have no idea where my grade stands at this point.

Plant biology could be an interesting field to go into, if I just wanted to study chromatin, non-neuroscience. Didn't know there was a neuroimmunology field either.

MMM foggy days have returned to SF! I hope it lasts like this forever, that is, until my mother arrives. Then I hope the UV rays from the heavens smite her with the wrath of the Texas two-step. I feel sleep-deprived.

Gotta finish a paper for final and print it out in lab. Adios amigos.

lifescape

Listening to these piano songs that are supposed to be calming, except they make me think of certain people more frequently than I should be.

Perhaps the thing I'm going through is andropause? It would explain a lot.

Looked at an apartment today. Great neighborhood, right by the park, right by UCSF and their shuttle service. Problem? The first thing the guy did when seeing me was lead me down to the basement level into this dark, dimly lit room less than 100 sq. ft. Worse, he was wearing some weird thermal underwear for pants, these odd pajamas that didn't leave much to the imagination. If the landlord were, say, a semi-beautiful man like Ewan McGregor, MAYBE I would let that slide. So greasy and creepy! Blegh! Oh wait. THEN there was the kitchen. Flies buzzing all around the place. They asked me what I thought, and instead of blatantly saying it was a shithole, I told them the room was too small, but if one of the larger rooms happened to open up in the future, I might be interested.

Ugh. So, I'm instead going to be browsing another place tomorrow, closer to the beach, being rented out by a lady who doesn't sound like she'll be prancing around in underwear.

Oops forgot to post this draft after writing it.

doggerel

Woohoo. Righhhht...

Seems like everybody has something to say about my future. Maybe everybody's been ready for me to move on with my life. Except they urge me less annoyingly than my parents.

I'm so glad that Janey decided to pursue Md/PhD as well. She'll probably be a really strong candidate during her interviews. This is of course assuming that she knows the research she's been doing inside and out. Hmm, I wonder if I should worry at all about my interviews this early in the game? So many hoops to jump through: primaries, acceptance from the primary, secondaries, then acceptance from the secondary. Blegh.

Hmm, well, Poorneel said that he lived comfortably off 33K plus benefits, so maybe I should ask for that much?

What do I feel... certainty in getting 3 A's (10 hours), hopefully getting A-'s in the other two classes. What's odd is that I get A's in classes that I skip, and then struggle in classes where the teacher is terrible.

Ok, heading back to my apartment. Blog later.

dysentery

AHHHHH!!! My Danimals offered me a job today! The one unexpected thing was him asking me what salary I would want so that I could live comfortably in SF.

I called my parents later today- why did I expect not to get a lecture from my Dad? And then my Mom tried to guilt trip me into wanting her to come see me. Yeah, she's coming to stay with me. For a MONTH! Even worse, my lab group wants me to bring her around to lab sometime and introduce her to everyone. Ughhhhhh.

No wait. Even worse, I got so excited, I even started an email to Drab about the good news before I stopped myself. Ugghhhh gross. I have become the needy person that I hated about everyone else.

Danimals tells me that it might be hard to get into med school, and that I might not even like it, in reference to the seeing 40-50 patients per day in a clinical setting. He also said that even if I've researched for 2+ years now, there wouldn't be a significant advantage to my application unless I included an abstract of a bound-to-be published paper.

This is probably one of those times where I would be freaking out again, except I need to finish a paper tonight/start studying for finals.

omnium horarum homo

Dear lord. I posted 9 days ago?! I was so wrapped up in my studying and labbing, I forgot to happy birfday Klean.

Hmm, news. I'm having tofu and asparagus tonight?

Umm. I had to run in with Drab the other day to pick up an adapter for a TERRIBLE presentation I did this morning. Less than 2 hours of sleep this morning. And yet, I don't feel tired at all. Maybe one just realizes that sleep isn't so necessary after all. I've also lost an inch in my waistline from all the cortisol brought on by stress.

I have a love/hate relationship with teachers that grill you when you're at the front of the class.

Research. It goes. Although I'm reaching my breaking point just staring down lists of gene names all day.

My fobby clothes are here!

waterboarding

Wayne Graham. Kinda awesome.

I got home from lab around 7, expecting just my neighbors' mail in my mailbox, but sifting through I found this letter addressed to me from France, with no return address.

I usually expect a check from my parents, but it was highly unlikely that they would be forwarding money over from France, unless they had flown to France randomly for shits and giggles.

Odd was the fact that inside the envelope was a postcard. Who sends postcards in envelopes anyway?!

The handwriting on the back gave it all away- poorly written, rushed, and entirely illegible. Kaiser. She had taken a spontaneous trip to France w/ her gal pal Teletubbie. Her message was in her typical response: brief, detached, cold. Just the way I like it.

I was fucking giddy for a few minutes.

Had this sudden urge to visit a 99 Ranch Market. If only I had a car...

From a rational standpoint, I probably wouldn't want to be bisexual, if I ever sprouted from my seed of asexual dormancy. Having to deal with drama specific to either sex would be utterly annoying.

This bright and shiny thing doesn't suit me well. I used to like rainy days and dark cloudy skies. It's like that now in SF, and it isn't doing it for me. What's wrong with me?!? I seem to be asking that question a lot recently.

Also, as I was walking down to Clement to reach the bus stop, an elderly man was laying on the ground right by the trash can. What seemed like a homeless guy at first turned out to be an old guy reeling in pain. Somehow he fell and broke his hip while getting off the bus. Another person eating a burrito had the audacity to go up to him and ask,"Are you really hurt or are you just fucking with us?"

hobbes

New obsessions:

Kenken: sudoku-like crossword puzzle.

Way-obvious lesbians.

Manga/cartoon drawing (renewed obsession).

Crossword puzzles (also renewed).

I'm feeling guilty. Details later.

Tonight I go to bed early. Is midnight early?

stochastic

Science blows my mind. 1st came physics, then came chemistry, and finally biology in the baby carriage.

My current tiny obsession is black holes. Event horizons. SO GOOD!

Perhaps Clare was right about me focusing my blog towards a specific topic, even though it seems like the actor's equivalent of a pigeonhole.

Well science has been preoccupying my mind. I'm just going to ramble off a list of things. If any of you have answers, by all means.

What regulates histone/chromatin modifiers?

Is there a specific "clock" gene that instructs stem cells to differentiate at a specific point, after a certain number of cell divisions?

Could cell specification in neural stem cells mirror that of hematopoeisis? With the subsequent binding of cell adhesion molecules, the cell may finally stop at that location and undergo cross-talk/signaling with its neighboring cells to receive a program to differentiate. Then, could the cell travel to its final destination through signaling molecules, morphogens, etc.? Hmm, this could be a possible collaboration with Janey, since she's so into immuno research. Although I think her favorite area was the thymus or T cells...

Going to read more "The Singularity is Near." Blows my mind!!!

chateaubriand

Dim sum Sunday with Clare. And Drab...

Dim sum place next to Tong Palace, not so great. The service was bad, possibly because we arrived there towards the end of the brunch shift, but still, the food had no kick, no excitement. Good thing I had a stomachache- I probably would have tried to order more in order to fill my stomach.

Clare picked me up first, before we headed over to Drab's place. Once we got there, we started walking up the street trying to figure out where Drab's apartment was located, but it turned out that he found Clare's car before we were able to find him. Clare and I headed back down the hill towards the car, only to find Drab standing in the middle of the road.

At first glance, I immediately noticed he had cut his hair, but who?! Upon closer examination, it looked like he had taken a shower before meeting up with us, the front seemed to have been cut an appropriate length, but the sides and ESPECIALLY the back were of a poor design. Later on during dim sum, Drab told us that his roommate Peter Pan had been the one at that murder scene. Soft, but rough around the edges. Although, it was nice seeing that he had finally cut his hair after all this time.

Clare's clothing style seems to have toned down since college. Today it was the typical blue and gray long-sleeved shirt, khakis, and Jack Purcells. Very normal. Hmm, I've just realized that I left his skinny jeans in the back of his car. So much for borrowing them. Oh well. Drab was wearing this weird, knit, red long-sleeved shirt, although I did approve of the jeans. If I had to guess, they were probably Levi's.

Headed out to dim sum, before grabbing boba tea along Clement. My honeydew boba was decent, considering my stomachache still lingered. Then we had to go drop off Drab since he wanted to head back to lab. The backyard was cluttered, the puzzle looked interesting, his room looked filthy. Drawers open, empty beer can lingering on the table. What was new, though, was this dark wooden IKEA frame he bought for his bed. Upon closer glance, if you just focused on the headboard, it looked very much like a more comfortable park bench.

Later on, Clare and I headed out to Dolores Park to meet up with his high school friends, to see off Carl's Jr. before he flies to New York. 'Twas nice, just sitting, bumming around, not doing anything productive. Like being a kid again. Also getting sick from having ice cream, like a kid again.

Invitation to a Wilco and/or Deerhoof concert. Hmm.


It's a see-through face!

cotyledon

I had 2 dreams about Danimals last night. Oy. What does this mean...

The first one involved me sitting on the schoolbus with him and his wife- mostly it was his wife drilling me questions about lab.

The second one consisted of me sitting in the lobby, with Danimals walking around and talking to me. Suddenly he just freezes and seemed like he was starting to have a heart attack. I panic and try to figure out what to do.

In ACTUAL lab today, I noticed Danimals wearing a SpongeBob bandage on his left pinky finger. I actually cut the same finger earlier in the week with my santoku knife cutting vegetables. Well, I don't know what's more awkward, him wearing a cartoon band-aid at his age, or me knowing that the character on the band-aid, Mrs. Puff, is from the SpongeBob show.

Maybe I am a workaholic... every time I keep counting, it still adds up to me being in lab at least 30 hours a week. Not sure how I really get anything done with 12 hours of classes.

So if someone was born left-handed, but trained to write with their right hand, does that mean they will have switch left/right brain dominance? Or is it just a change of hand dominance? That is, if there were an object- pencil, cup, what have you- sitting on a table, would that person then reach out with their left hand or their right hand?

I have this feeling in my gut that I don't feel like application will be ready/competitive, but I probably should stop stalling the inevitable. If I don't get accepted this season, I most likely will not get accepted in the next. Perhaps I'm just freaking out because I was advised to turn in my AMCAS early, but I probably won't be submitting it until early/mid-July. Which means less spots available, more competition for the remaining spaces. Going to eat something now. Enjoy the pics.

significand

I think I've reached that phase again where I may be tired of caring about grades. Either I'm going to get in somewhere now or never, so it seems kind of pointless to take any more classes before med school. ALTHOUGH there is this one English class I wanted to try- Age of Wit. British writers! Swift, Pope, Addison. And I do enjoy math...

Quick n' dirty news: data from microarrays have arrived, ready to go and sift through candidate genes that may determine the fate specification of different types of cells in the adult brain.

Wasted time watching a terrible movie, along with looking through summer and fall course schedules.

Nights.

platonism

More legs on the bus! Maybe I am sexually frustrated? Seeing these girls in see-through shirts, swimming shorts, short skirts, all going to the beach. Good thing it's going to get cold and rainy again starting tomorrow. I hate sweating. And thick thighs.

Last night, the electricity went out in my building. This is the ONE time that I've considered buying my LED flashlight to not be a waste of money. I basically used it to find my other non-LED flashlight. Then I used the regular flashlight to study human physiology in the dark. Honestly I was more worried about the food in my fridge thawing than the exam I have tomorrow.

It's midnight here already. Happy Birthday, MattPatti Mayonnaise.

Danimals sent me an e-mail that my data had finally arrived. His email included exclamation marks. Haha what a dork. Then I respond by sharing some links of stuff posted on Gizmodo because I know he's interested in guns, explosions, jets, boats, chaos/mayhem.

...I have no friends outside of lab. Or within my age group here in SF.

Trying to pull an all-night for the exam tomorrow morning, and I feel sticky and EXHAUSTED. This must be how porn stars feel after a long day's work sexing and whatnot. Don't porn stars use something like Kimwipes for cleaning themselves off after they're done with their business? I think they actually call them Kumwipes or whatever.

harlow

If my grampa undergoes the operation, he may never fully get his voice back, in addition to the high risk.

The fortune teller that my grandparents have been going to predict that he'll live to 90.

Furthermore, the rest of the family is helping my grandmother prepare for his departure/death, while also getting things ready for her when she reaches that stage in her life.

It was SO hot today in SF, even hotter on the bus with the windows closed. Yet surprisingly it was refreshing seeing a gaggle of girls wearing short shorts, showing off their long legs.

So I was waiting again, for the 28 bus to stop and for me to get on, and I do what I usually do, which is to wait for ALL the passengers that want to leave to get off the bus before boarding. Unlike all the older Asian people who push themselves to the front of the line to nab a space on board. As soon as I try to get on the bus through the back, without even having extended an entire leg in, the doors close in and clamp down on my ankle. Luckily, those doors can sense if something's in the way, and they automatically opened up for me, but the girl standing next to me looked at me, and we both starting laughing. She asked me if I were okay.

Never thought I would get great advice from professors. Maybe I should have bothered to see them more during their office hours.

consomme

Sweating like a hog all day today. The weather's jumped up to 80 today, will rise to 85 Monday, and then go back down to 65 on Thursday. Only in SF...

So I've been back to watching my Asian TV shows, started getting sentimental on this Korean show called "We Got Married," where Korean stars are paired together and live out their day as if they were a real couple.

One specific episode I saw tonight involved the guy "purposefully" forgetting his wife's birthday. He continues to make her feel bad throughout the day, by not helping her pack their belongings-they were moving to a new house- by dragging her all over the place at night, trying to find the right place for her to eat. He also took her to visit the old place where he used to play piano, even though she didn't feel like it. Once she started playing a few keys, he wanted to leave to get dinner, so she had to go as well. But he planted his cell phone, leaving it in the studio, so that once they were out walking a while, he made her start calling his phone to find out where it is.

She finally discovered where it was when someone answered on the other end, and the "husband" asked her to go up to the piano studio to pick it up for him. Once she returned, she found a pianist playing the Happy Birthday song for her. The guy turned out to be Yuhki Kuramoto, a pianist whose songs she played when she was learning the piano back in middle school. Afterwards, he played Lake Louise for her, with her crying throughout most of the performance.

That was a good birthday gift idea. Why can't people be creative like that, aside from the money issues? Their relationships, too, appealed to me in a way opposite to most couples I know.

Blegh, when did I become soft? Time to distract you with pictures.

mirepoix

Drab is slow in responding to my emails. Then again, any one I bother to email a reply either takes forever to write back, or just doesn't write back at all. No manners, the youth these days.

Kaiser is a conundrum. She's like an unsolvable equation that you just keep looking at on paper, but have no idea where to go with it.

I keep looking at pictures of food on facebook, that a friend made while in culinary school right now...

That option's still lingering in the back of my mind. I could choose a career in public service while trying to find some universal truth in research, resulting in something that may benefit the human race one day. OR, I could be selfish, cooking and eating all day long, creating something/anything I want, making people feel content inside, if only for an instant. I suppose it's a matter of long-term versus short term gratification.

Not sure if this is true, but the Monterey aquarium is one of the larger ones in the U.S.? 2 floors, several petting exhibits, rotating showcases, too many kids running around.

sarutobi

Why did I choose not to go to dinner w/ Drab, Leigh-Ugh, mAlice? Besides my personal preference for not seeing Drab more than once per month?

I'm spending the night catching up on TV shows, and figuring out how to create a transgenic mouse that utilizes the Cre-loxP system.

One of the few times I hate riding the bus: when a FAT man sits right next to me on the bus, and their huge leg/arm pushes against me, and I have to sit like that pressed against the other side for half an hour.

The other surprise? When he got off the bus, there was this streak of liquid running down the middle of his seat. Butt sweat. I immediately wiped the side of my jeans being crushed by his gargantuan right leg.


Sharkie.


School.

español

Note to self: do not put off ~60 chemistry problems until the night before the test. Too much input!

Get the feeling that I know more about my PI/lab mates than I do about any single friend. Soooo... the rotation student isn't so bad, it's only been a month with him so far. I think his rotation project right now depends on getting mice to mate, which may takes weeks before anything comes up. Only 8 more weeks with him... What puzzles me though, is how he's packed on so much weight even though all he eats for lunch each day is a banana and a protein bar, in addition to his being vegetarian.

Do I still sound possessive? Trying not to be. I mean, if I think about the big picture, all labs eventually rotate out all their people every 3-5 years. It's always changing, unless you're the unfortunate grad student who can't seem to get publishable data, or start so many projects and are not able to finish just one. I'm going to be out after one more year- maybe it's that I don't want to be bothered by people while I'm still there? A matter of convenience I suppose.

I tire. And I have 2 tests tomorrow. This post was supposed to be short. Ok, aquarium pictures!


Me gusta pipes.


Little Ian.


También me gustan los peces.