babinski

Why do I catch people in the most awkward of attire?

Went to bed last night thinking negative thoughts. Got really angry, then sweaty. Then I fell asleep.

Whenever I go to bed, I usually forget about anything that happened the previous day. I supposedly let go of short-term grudges.

However, this morning, I woke up still angry. Very peculiar.

I'm still unsure about what to do with my situation, and I don't expect anyone else to have great advice, because nobody is equipped with the same circumstances as I am. Still uncertain, but I think I know what I have to do regardless.

There's the option of taking night classes while working to boost my GPA, or studying furiously to retake the MCAT. The average MCAT at this school is 37.5 for MSTP matriculants. Can I just say that that is ridonkulous?

And once I think about that, I ask myself why does one-tenth of a point really matter? Why does even 6 more points matter? Everyone is just seen as numbers up to a certain point.

My other thought was just to prep for actuarial exams, as a backup in case everything goes wrong. AGAIN. Another thought would be culinary school, which only requires 6 months apprenticing in the back of house.

Why am I inclined towards stressful occupations at both ends of the income spectrum? One works you like a horse for minimum wage while the other works you like a horse for a substantial amount once you exit residency.

Being in lab this late at night is peaceful. I hear nothing but the faint whirring of the air conditioner, and the consistent clicking of the clock as time passes, unconcerned about my need for more. The one constant in my life is time; that's one thing that hasn't let me down.

What it ultimately comes down to is: will my current achievements ever be able to rectify my past mistakes? Is that the only reason as to why people hesitate?