Lo Profile

You reach a certain threshold, and once you hit that barrier, all hell breaks loose.

I'm starting to resent my lab again. I used to target and channel this anger towards mainly one person, from the lab manager, to my boss.

Now I'm stuck at this stage, where I find almost everybody annoying to an extent.

My frustration is directed at the arrogant graduate student sitting behind me.

How was he raised, to turn out into someone as messed up as he is? One problem with MSTP's is that they act just as entitled, if not more so, than any other medical student Nants sees in Dallas. They think that nothing is ever their fault, even when the evidence is clear that their laziness pervades every aspect of lab work. What is the point in trying my hardest to help them out, when they turn out to be nothing more than arrogant, selfish, insecure, dick heads?

I have been so annoyed with the one sitting behind me. I think I have lost respect for him. How can somebody be so oblivious to the garbage that flies out from their mouth? I have reached my limit where I try to hold myself back from blurting out," Why are you such a fucking asshole?"

Mant was probably correct in her advice. Maybe I should tell him why he was out of line. I shouldn't expect people to be intuitive about these situations, but how can these so-called future doctors not be able to draw from context clues? It's surprising how they can be emotional morons, and this comes from somebody who rarely feels anything towards another human being.

Maybe I am just finding a reason to leave my work. I do not feel productive anymore when I enter the workplace. I have been in an oddly frozen status for 4 years, and nobody around me has changed. It always seems as though I bend over backwards to help out everyone around me, putting myself before them every single time. I thought that was what it meant to be altruistic, some obscure quality I thought all doctors should possess. The more I interact with these future physician-scientists, the less inclined I am to believe in the good of our future.

Most likely I am just venting, but there is always some grain of truth to what is spoken when one is angry. Am I angry? Maybe that's what I'm feeling right now.

I can't believe I even prepared all the mouse crosses for this prick. For all his future experiments, I set up the appropriate mouse crosses in order for him to graduate within 4 years, because lord knows, this guy cannot plan ahead when it comes to his experiments, let alone perform them correctly. He can't clone, he waits a month before even freezing down his virus, and his pups get cannibalized for 6 months before any even survive childbirth. Would it be wrong of me to just sacrifice those mice, and let him spend the next few years setting up his mouse crosses, waiting for the correct pups to be born, delaying his experiments for months?

*Aside* somebody's screaming my name from outside my door. Who is it?

Turns out, they were my roommates from the top floor. They locked themselves outside trying to throw the garbage away. What is it with boys calling out my name all the time- it must be the city.

*Another aside* DEAR LORD this ginseng chrysanthemum with honey drink is disgusting!

Maybe I DO "hate" R&D, even though one postdoc, and most of my Rice friends, tease me about being in love with him.

You know what it boils down to? It's that feeling one has where they try to put their faith in somebody else, thinking that, hey, this person could be a really good friend that I would want to keep for the rest of my life, and then falling flat on your face, getting mud kicked in it for further embarrassment. It's the effort you put into thinking that somebody else could be worth your time, no matter how short your lifespan may be, and then becoming disappointed after the fact, realizing that you made a mistake. Maybe I'm angry that it was my choice that was the mistake, and I thought I would be good at picking lifelong friends by now.

I compare him to Drab, and Drab would never do that to me. Drab is a genuinely decent person. Never egotistical, and certainly seems more interested in science for the sake of enjoying it, is how I would compare the two.

Why can't times be more relaxing, like Suntory Time?