god of cookery

I think I had one of those midlife things yesterday, wondering what I've done with my life so far.

The only answer I've come up with is study. And eat.

Janey sent me a link to some research being done at Rice, and that prompted me to look at other events, "noteworthy" people.

There's this girl I used to work with who grew up in war, and is now becoming a doctor as well as obtaining a degree in engineering.

There's another girl at Jones who's also planning on going to med school, who did some research on giving or whatever, got a lot of scholarships, traveled all over.

And a group of four who have started up something now being funded by the Clinton Global Initiative, which they plan to turn into a nonprofit?

It seems these people may be ambitious, as their sphere of influence is much greater in relation to anything I've ever done.

Not sure if I'm envious or not because I'm not really sure if I want to change the world. I don't have a clue about how I want to make a contribution to the world, if any. Even collecting awards/prizes doesn't phase me.

At this point, it doesn't seem as if anyone I know will ever rise to stardom, invent some medical breakthrough, cure cancer, control stem cell fate. There's no apparent evidence that the grad students I know have a strong drive/desire to unlock the secret to what's happening around the world.

But who's to say that a life of mediocrity is so bad (besides Cristina Yang)? As a kid, I always thought of how great it would be to live in my own house, get married, have a family, and just do my job really well.

Now? Don't care so much about home ownership or a large house (I'd be fine renting indefinitely), not so interested in dating, which automatically nixes marriage, and the only kids I like are those besides my own.

What do I want.

What do you want?